Dec 22, 2010

Merry Christmas!!!!

                                             HI everybody this will be my last post for 2010!!!

      I just want to say may you all have a wonderful, peacefull ( really hope mine will be ) merry       
                                                                Christmas time...

                                          I will chat again NEXT YEAR!! in 2011


Whats next!

It’s only a few days and then it’s the end of 2010, JIPEEEEEE!!! I am so dam glad it’s over!!! And 2011…may this be the year of answers. May this be the year where we will know in what direction to go in next.

I luv to start clean-over-new-for the beginning-whatever you want to do!!! And NOW I NEED IT SO DESPRITLY.

My house are cleaned-up, personal admin is done, my garden is well manicured, I am working on my fitness levels. So 2011 can come, I and ready for HIM!!! May this be a HIM year and not another bitchy-year.

We’ve got loads of plans for 2011, but on the IF-FRONT we have decided the following…drumroll…drumroll…never-ever –think –I-will-get-to-this-point, but…

For 10 years I am on this road…a road to nowhere…and emotional road. For 10 years it feels like I was lock up in this IF-JAIL and the people outside forgot where they put the keys.. They forgot me… and now I want this to end.

So next year , the beginning , we will try Suro again, thanx to my wonderful, loving sister. But this will be the last try. I always say I will try till the doctors say your eggs are finish and rotten and dear Luv’s sperms are so old they swim backwards now, with out there tails…

…but This will be it. To be an UNEXPLAIN INFERTILE are the shittiest thing on earth, because nobody can help you because they don’t know what to do or on what to work because you are unexplainable. Its sucks!!!!

And for 10 year we can really say we have tried everything that was offer!! We have put our self through a lot, because of our dreams. That did not turned out to be… its hard to get to this point but its it. And to try and try makes me sick now and everybody saying each time..” this will be your lucky time, just want me to vomit!!!!

Yesterday evening we visit friends in the campsite and I walk into one of the sisters at the clinic. Chat ,,,chat,, chat and she was asking am I okay??? And I could see she feel so sorry for me, and that just breaks my heart!!!!!

Dec 20, 2010

Christmas with all the things...

Its a funny feeling, everybody is in a "Christmas-hype" Running around like rats buying presents, getting all things right and finish for Christmas.

I always luv it two. I Love the tree and to decorate it, putting up lights ( its just so beautiful!!) and all the excitement.

But now the is such a horrible time!! I just hate every moment of it. I don't put up ANY CHRISTMAS STUFF. My house look just like it always do. I am still working to keep me busy.  If you don't have kids this time is not such a big deal.

Because we don't buy presents  anymore , we do take the money we where suppose to spend and buy presents for kids that don't have homes, or parents, or just have nothing. That a nice feeling!!!

I think me and luv are for sure at Cross-roads in our life, there are big things happening in our lives, decisions to make, things that is about to happen. I think I do need NEW things to focus on.

...because I am just so fed-up for this 2010 that was so a Shitty Year!!!!

Dec 18, 2010

Tired!!! just so tired!!

All the rush is over for now, thank goodness!!!! The market was nice, and now me and luv just want to go and sleep.....

This week I have a few clients, and I need to clean my house ,but then its time to just relax and get peace with myself. I am in despreate need of that!!! I am just emosionaly so TIRED!!!

Form the IVF and then the pregnacy and then the MC and then the December rush there was really no time to just sit down and over-think all the shit we went through.... and I need it, now!!!

I am just coping under the radar, but I fine, just fed-up!!!!

We are going away for Chrismas to the farm and I need this quiet time... I just want to lie in the sun, swim, drink wine  and laugh. Need to go to my happy place We are going to stay with my brother, hopefully with out the "attachments". Me and suro-sus are sick of just always fighting with my brother for just time for us to bond, because my SIL's fucking family is just always with them. They got  NO RESPECT AT ALL for anybody, lie-ing all the time!!( and I hate people that lie!! they are untrustable!!) and every 2 years when it is our family-Chrismas time, they will just picth!!!! ( they need to sleep over for the night on ther way to family, 1 night will be 3 weeks at the end, arriving at the family...never!!!)  and if you dont know in a years time they more or less 60% of the time at the farm, thinking its there  holiday farm!!! yes they got NO LIFE of there own!!!! NO personality as well.

We are fed up for fighting!!! for just 2 week in 2 years of quality-family-bonding-time. So this year will be the last try. If that fucking attachments just pinch there nose in our direction , we are finish!! for ever. I don't even want to see them at all, nor either hear there voices!!!!! If I even just got there smell. I AM FINISH!!!!

and then we are going to start our own family chrismas,( from next year on, without begging for just some time) with lots of JUST NICE FUN AND MEMORIAL TIMES!!! That is whats life all about after all.

Dec 17, 2010


Wonder why this time of the year is so hectic??? Its Friday already again. Fridays is my best day, because its the beginning of the weekend!!!!! but today is going to be chaos!!!!

I am working the whole day, everybody need to be ready for there holiday, then we have a 40ish BDay party tonight, with a theme PINK, SILVER and BLACK (  and the only pink I have is in my PJ's?????) I need to get a Kitchen tea gift for tomorrow and then Tomorrow there is another Market and the flowers did open up enough EKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!

SO then my mind is going around about my PLAN-OF-ACTION ( POA) for the future.... we more or about know what we are going to do, will tell you all later ( and funny its not what I have decided for me , buts its it!!)

Enjoy your weekend!!! Miss you all!!!

Dec 15, 2010

The error is gone, jippee!!

This is a pic of this weekend market, early morning. We have just unpack!!!

Choas house...

I am very quiet lately, but this time of the year is just so hectic!!! I havent been home for more than 3 days after each other, and I hate it!! My house looks like I have 10 kids ( and there's none!!) its choas in my home and I hate it!! big time!

and now I think I am going away tommorw...I want to set off a fokker and THEN I REALY NEEDS TO CLEAN it afterwards!! I luv to work under pressure!!! Why???? Stupid , I think!!!

I just don't get time to get organize. Maybe its because I have so many diffrent "works" Joke!!

next week I just want to settle down, do reading and nice stuff!!! I am working ,but flexi time.

and this weekend I have a market again!! I want to yelllllllllll!!!!!

Dec 13, 2010

xxxx Friends xxxx


" I want to upload pics but every time I do it....server rejected is coming up" do any one know why???

Dec 12, 2010


What a nice weekend, the market is finish, thank goodness. It was nice and fun. The rest of the weekend the weather was cold and rainy, so me and Luv was under the blankets and watch 3 movies!!! I just luv movies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can not believe , December is half way and 2010 is nearly at HER end ( her???? because this year was one BIG BITCH!!!!)

Have to say I am every emotional... its like I don't know where I belong ????

Its kids everywhere, and preggy belly's everywhere, happy people everywhere, and families everywhere, babies everywhere, friends announcing there pregnancies,

and then there is ME and LUV we are just THERE..... LIKE FLOATING ALIENS....

Dec 10, 2010


I want to put a pic on of today, but sorry there's an error so I will try to put a pic up later. Me and a friend had, had such a fun day at the market. Just what I needed!!

There is such alot of things going on in my head.... its whooching around!!!!

Dec 9, 2010

Busy to keep me sane!

From tomorrow for 2 days I am going to a market to sell flowers….I just loveeeeee flowers!!!

At this moment my kitchen and lounge look like a spring festival, it’s beautiful!!! I still have to make some bunches!! I will take pics and post it over the weekend. I have been so busy, lately, don’t know if it help or not, with my mind???? I think I NEED me time, now! Good news..the blood stop!!

Something you don’t know about me, is I love competitions , freebies and I have an addictive personality. This year I have been very lucky with entries in competitions. I love magazines and then I enter, ONLY ONE TIME, EACH, competition ( that’s my rule otherwise, the addictive me will enter million of times)

This year I have won a Cam recorder, toaster, phone, perfume, toaster, wall tatoo’s, Last week I win Shark case d.ving!!! for 2 .Luv want to do it his whole life, I am so scared( I will properly put a knife in my pants just for maybe) and yesterday I win wine, champers, coffee table book !!

I am so lucky, don’t know why the IF life cannot be with so much luck!!!

Dec 7, 2010

FS talk.

Today at half pass 6 my FS phone me, and I am not a morning person at all. I think I sound like drug-like-bear after his hibernation …

…my FS is just as “ out of plans with me” and I know he don’t know what to do next. I think his biggest Christmas wish was “JUST GET HER FORM OUR STOCK BOOKS, PLEASE!!! But NO she just lovessss our clinic!!

So I say to him, you don’t know what to do next, because nothing ever works out!!! It is just this super ridiculous scenario!! And he agree, and the Ectopic was the cherry on the cake!

He is very worried about me emotionally … because I have had this hyper shitty year and I have to agree. It was super KAK!!! Emotionally, he don’t know how I am still coping?? I wonder myself ???

He doesn’t want to discuss anything now. I must take a break and phone him next year.

So for now I am just here , I do have a tuff time, maybe this year was just a bit too LONGGGGGGG.

Dec 6, 2010

Me Pregnant...never...

Every freaking time I do IVF, I am SO positive, it’s nearly abnormal. BUT I AM A BELIEVER!!

And every time I Miscarriage I think, maybe next time is your lucky time, some or other time your luck must change, and then I am on the same road…the road to nowhere… the road with NO Guarantees….the road with no fucking end after 9 too long years!!!!

I so badly want to be pregnant; I want to have my own kids. But this time with miscarriage no 8, its time to face facts, facts I never ever though will happen and now this is on my door step. In my face!!

My fuck-up uterus seems to hate intruders , she is such a selfish damm bitch!! Why she don’t want my babies to stay, I really don’t know, only if she know me and my dreams…but she goes on strike the moment a baby start to grow. I HATE HER!!!

I am in such a floating bubble, because realty is here. I do believe in miracles, and there is always a tiny bit of luck somewhere in the universe, maybe the satellites will spot me in future, but…

..FOR ME TO BE EVER PREGNANT ????? IT’S THE END!!!! And it is so sad.

It’s fucking damm hard!!! But it’s the end for me, I have to make peace with facts that my chances are ZERO, and emotionally it’s not worth it. So I have to close the BOOK… “I WANT TO BE PREGGIES!!"

Suro-sus demand on doing it again… so if we give it the last try maybe in 2011, I will not put Embies back in me…

Dec 5, 2010

Coping??? with what??

Hi There!!!!

I was away for a few days and am back now. I am doing so-so…I am just so tired!!!!

I did not have time to think about anything, maybe I don’t want to think about it?? I will talk to my FS soon, just leave him a message “Will call you later!!! Not at home!( because I am not in a mood for talking….I am tired!!!!!

The bleeding has not stopped yet…and this is pissing me off!!! So now BCP( birth control pills) will be the next and I want to scream!!! Will give it 2 more day, that’s all!!!

Now that I have stop, all the shit-hormones-that fuck-me-up-BIG-TIME…I am sitting with headaches!!! Bruises!!!!! And the worse MY WHOLE BODY HAVE SMALL LITTLE PIMPLES ON!!!! Its like a allergic reaction, and I can tell you this, I am loosing it now..coping not anymore…

I think the pimples are my body’s way of telling me something… “ I am just as fed-up-fuck-up like you are, darling!!!!!

Nov 30, 2010

The END!!

I have just got this "gut feeling" yesterday... did a pregnancy test...NEGATIVE!!! Go for a Beta this morning... 17!!! ... the end of my baby, I so much wanted!!!!

Baby no.10 is with the rest of my ANGEL BABIES!!!!



At the moment, this is how my tummy is looking!! and I don't mind , just if its working!!!

Nov 29, 2010

I am better than last week!!

The Tight and Bright Party was very nice and my mother did not suspect anything!! All her friends enjoyed it so much and they surprise me with their outfits. Very cool for 60 +ers!!! Suro-sus baked the brightest cake ever seen, her food was super nice!!,

On the other hand….How am I doing????? Wish I know, myself!!
I am suppose to be more or less 6 weeks pregnant….it feel like 6 years… and the best part, I don’t know, am I or am I not….

You all know the dreadful 2WW, but I am on my 4WW since I got my first beta of 58 I start bleeding 3 days after that, and it did stop as we blog… My Betas are just as confusing as I am; we are all in this hanging-space…. Normal people stop their periods when they pregnant, I start bleeding the moment I found out I am pregnant. Using more pads than ever.. With the twins I did stop bleeding for 7 months!!!!! HORRIBLE!!!!!

Very weird, you all know what’s up, but I did not tell anybody because I don’t know what to say. Its like this 4ww and only after next week 5ww when I go for the scan I will know…am I preggies or not!! Last week was terrible I was really not coping at all. Maybe if I just know everything is fine, I will relax.

Have to say the Beta’s are calling in my ear…do another one… another one… but I am strong for now!!!! But it’s only Monday today!!

The Birthday Girl!!!

Nov 26, 2010

Just a bla= bla day in my life

Today, I am not going to la- la- bla-b la- about what’s over-operating-my-life-at-this-moment!!!

We are giving my mother a surprise-breakfast-birthday party Saturday morning!! and at this minute we really hope that NO-asshole let it slip to her… It’s a THIGHT AND BRIGHT party ( you have to dress like the theme). I have made my mother a tutu and have found horrible stockings to wear. She is going to love is !!!!

Suro-sus is doing the main dish, and I, the table settings. Tomorrow when I wake I need to bake some muffins…and I am the worse baker in the world, my nerves are rags!! But I cannot wait to get to the farm, I need some away time now.

At this time of the year it feel like my throat are block because there is so much going on and no time left. So this last month I was doing this stupid silly stuff that stays forever on your note book and never get tic off.

One on mine for over a year was to print a coffee table book of some of my photos. Made the book but just did not get it to the printers and the joke, when I mail the order, it took 3 days and it was finish. Its tic off and I love it, all my friends think its super cool…..have to say, me too.

My Christmas prezzies are wrap and tag!! You go girl!!! ( only buying for the kids)

Next year can come knocking on my door because my 2 year to do list is clean… and it feels super dooper!!!

Nov 24, 2010

Most AMAZING confusing BETAS

Emotionally I am on “break-down edge”!!!! This is roller coasting confusing…

I am just trying to keep myself to cope. Tuesday was bad and I was preparing myself for the beta that’s going down to crash!!! Went to bed at 8 o’clock because I was just there…don’t want to think, don’t want to do anything ( 8 o’clock was the earliest bedtime in the last 20 years for me.)

This morning I was sitting in front of the lab, an hour before they open, because I want this over and done with. Went to the lab in a nearby town, because I want the beta within an hour!! When the nurse put my ID on the computer, she was saying whoww…wonder why????Yes because an Idiot can see what’s up!! And Yes I do feel like and “experimental rat” When I left the lab, I want to cry…and the only thing I can think of is as soon as possible you have to get your life back on track. That’s the only way I can cope, so I eat a Chocolate , decided to get on the treatmill when I arrived home and I will dye my hair Cherry red!!!

Text my friend at the lab at half pass 9 and to get my beta, please!!!
And by all odds went from 296 up to 510!!!! I was shock!!! Still is.
Looks like 2 start to grow but the one died, had it before. The blood is not fine but its better.

I will NOT do I Beta again, this is what I think now, but time will see. I ones did a beta till 65 000 and still lost the babies.

The doctor book a scan for the 6th December and then we will see what’s up inside.

I am taking it day by day!!! Never think is over till the fat lady sings…

Nov 22, 2010

Bleeding Beta!!

Just got my Beta and from Friday it only increase from 260-296,( only with 37) so not nearly what it is suppose to be. Have to do a Beta on Wednesday again. I so fed-up for doing Beta’s.

This is the 8th(pregnant) time I am going through this whole ordeal, and at this time I know things are not the normal way, it’s the horrible way, like always. I am not NEGATIVE I am just realistic!

Hopefully Wednesday will give the answers… and then we need to do seriously decisions about the future…

Nov 21, 2010

Weekend was full of rest!!

Am I pregnant or am I not anymore??? Good Question!!! Wish I have X-ray-eyes!!!!

This weekend I was bleeding like hell. It just never ever stop!!! I am using more pads than when I have my periods.

Tomorrow I need to test again, and it’s so stupid because you don’t know ,did you lose the baby or I am just loosing blood… like a old dog , this hair??

What I can tell you ,I HATE THE BLOOD, and the blood thinners
is not helping, it has worsened the process. With the twins I was bleeding till the day I lost then + it never stop till 4months after when I went on the pill to stop it!!! Ridiculous!!!!

So after this, blood is freaking me out, big time… I am not feeling good, and going to the loo is super awful!!!

Nov 19, 2010


Weird to describe my feelings… after the spotting and then this morning the blood was just like periods, with pain and cramping still going on… I am wearing pads!! Not pantyliners!!

Thought it was over…With every pregnancy I BLEED!!!!! Emotionally I was preparing myself for the Beta.
The Beta came back 260!!! So from 56 to 260!! I was shocked!! I was quiet over the phone. ..

Phone the clinic, the sister is saying the beta is fine, what they wanted me to do the repeat on Monday to see if the beta is still climbing, because of the blood.

So now I am lying flat, I am hyper active so this is super funny ,me staying in one position. Nice part Luv’s running around with hot chocolate and pizzas!!!! I am like the rich bitch!!! What a life!!

2nd Beta...????

So today I will go for the update blood test and…

Yesterday I start to “YES, FUCKING SPOTTING”!!!! I just hate it!!! I hate BLOOOD, I hate it!!!

I was piss when I saw it on the loo-paper!! I was so angry!!! Not disappointment…Fucking ANGER…..GRADE 10 ANGER….!!I was bursting out in waterworks!!! Come on… I know I am a “super high risk PG women” but why me always?? Fair????? NO!!!!!!!!

I know my family is going to read this, and flip… I am flipping, as I am blogging… Probably I will not pick up the phone today, till I got my Beta.. Late afternoon.

How wonderful will a pregnancy be without any problems…what about a breeze in the park??? What about just to enjoy a pregnancy???

Nov 18, 2010

Searching for meds!!

Funny how every single time I semi –pregnant, we need to run around for pills and meds!!

Yesterday it was time again!!!! And its freaking me out BIG TIME!!!!!
I love the town we are living in , BUT service???????? There is none!!!!!

I went to the Pharmacist, order my meds, it will be there the next day, went to pick it up….sorry we forgot the order and when we order, we where 10 min late… Fuck-Head!!!!!!!! This is me that need that meds ASAP!!!

Sorry …for me, means to climb over the counter and KILL YOU!!!!!! Brutally!!!!

So now I start phoning….. Get into my car go to a nearby town for the meds!!!!!

The Pharmacist gives me the pills and ask…”Can I ask you a question??” How are you feeling on that pills with all the side effects????
I start laughing……What????? I am on so many hormones, pills and injection…I am feeling Marvellous!!! What do you think!! Its was so funny… if he know how fuck-up my system really is ..HE WILL START TO CRY!!!!

Nov 17, 2010

Friday???? where are you????

I am sitting on this “rubber-boat” scared-happy-optimistic, waiting for Friday to do the next Beta.

Then we will have a better idea, I have been on this road for so long, that’s why I know you have to take it day by day…

I once again I have seen there is NO GUARANTEES!!!!!!

I have my Suro-sus that wants to do this so badly for us, she did not struggle to fall pregnant, did not have any miscarriages, and have a breeze with pregnancy.

I struggle to fall pregnant, lost all the babies, and am a HIGH RISK PREGNANT-MEMBER.

They put the best 2 embies in Sus and the not so good ones in me and who is pregnant????
Me the High risk one!!!! So there is NO Guarantees!!! And with all of this, I have seen we are not in charge of things, somebody Higher make the decisions!!!

Nov 15, 2010


What a day!!!!!! Bloodworks = 9h00.
Phone lab depot = 15h00 ( blood have not arrive due to roadworks!!)
Phone George lab = 16h30 (results out but they canot get the sister to pick up the phone)
Phone depot girl= 16h31 ( she open up the lab and go too the computer, she know my history and always help me with results!!)

BETA  56!!!!!!!!!

16h35 Phone Luv tell him, and now I am scared she looked at the wrong results.
 16h40 Phone the sister non-stop!!!!

18h00 the sister of the clinic phone its 56!!!!!

So form NOW I AM PREGNANT!!!!! and tired after spring cleaning my house the whole day just to be super busy while waiting for the beta call.

Friday have to do the beta again!!!

Suro got a negative

Suro-sus results was negative.... what can I say... I am totaly piss-off!!!!

I know how badly she wants to do this for us. To go through ALL THIS SHITTY STUFF just for nothing... and the new law and all the pitty things. Fare??????????? NO!!!!!!

I will get my blood works done at nine and will know more or less 3 h00 this afternoon....what a day!!!!!

Nov 13, 2010

Positive we are waiting for you BIG TIME!!!

Tomorrow will be the TEST DATE!!!!!

I am so irritated, so nerve-up, so whoooozz-head, so emotional!!! And fucking shit scared!!!!! I cannot face last times results again. I will defiantly loose it!!!!!
Suro-sus will test tomorrow morning, and I really hope this will be the lucky time for us!!! Not nice to go through all of this grap for nothing.

I will test Monday , because the nearest lab is hour and a half drive from here and I am not going too gunpoint someone just to get my blood works done like last time.

So on Monday I will go the depot in town, they will send my blood away and then I will only get it 5 o’clock. This is endurance!!!! Its like testing my own nervy-body!!!! I am like an army sergeant on myself.

POSTIVE!!!!!POSITIVE!!!!!!POSITIVE!!!! this is what I am waiting for!!!! BIG TIME!!!

Just for the records….NO PEEING ON THE STICKS YET!!!!! I am too scared!!!!! Just hoping, hoping hoping

Nov 12, 2010

I am hanging ...

So Day 8 arrive, and 2 days left… when you in your 2ww it feels like it never ends, and when the end is near, you don’t want it to end , because you scared!!! For the blood test!!!

I am coping fine, actually the best ever; maybe you call it “years of suffering”? You just go with the flow…


I want these babies so badly its hurts holes through my heart, body and soul!!!

I am so positive, but the bad stupid part of IF is, you always have to prepare yourself for the bad!! Why??? Haven’t I already have had enough bad luck, tears and heart ache???

Nov 10, 2010

4 more sleeps...

I was away for 2 two day, working. It realy Help alot just to be busy. I am coping OKAY ( do you get something like that in your 2ww?????)

Time is flying... Don't have any simptoms...or maybe I have...maybe feeling stuff...that, the next moment vanish up into the air... I think I am to scared to feel anything!!! I am scared to deaf!!!! I am like a high-pressure-tuna-can!!!...Explotion...hope not before TEST-DAY!!!!

Suro-sus... too busy with 2 hiper-active-kids, too feel anything!!

keep your fingers cross xxxxxxxxx

Nov 8, 2010

Some people got a tatoo on their face...wtih the word STUPID on it!!

Opinions???? Opinions???? Lots of people have then; I am one that has my own opinion of everything …BUT I WILL NOT ACT LIKE MY OPINION IS THE LAW OF THE UNIVERSE!!!!

Last week on a local radio station with sometimes I think my own opinion… bunch of super-dooper-idiotic-bummer-listeners. Have a discussion about SURROGACY!!!!

So I got this text…Put your radio on, they’re talking about surrogacy … and I run for the small, shower radio and sitting with my ear glued!
So this guy ask questions like, what do you think about surrogacy???? Will you do this yourself??? And blab la bla la( this is actually what this radio station do most whole day blab la ba bla

So now this is “oil on the fire” for the people. So now every ass phone in with what they think about the topic. Here follow some of the stuff:

Listener…In tears!!!!! “I am mother of 2….how can any mother just give up her kid. Then you are not a mother if you do something like that..snif, snif!!!” (ass it’s not the suro’s child!! It my eggs and my luv’s sperm!!! And no one forced her with guns, dynamite or bombs to do it, she is doing it because she have a heart, not like you a stone with the engraving “I am stupid” on it . If you give your baby away its adoption NOT SURRO!!! Get your facts right stupid!

Listener…”Why don’t these people not go and adopt a child!!! There are so many babies up for adoption!!” (ass why do you have kids of your own???...because I want my own kids?? O really, so why didn’t you adopt kids and not got your own) and I can tell your name have never seen an adoption list I guess. People like you think you just put your name on, its quickly, easy, no money involved, FUCKING NO EMOTIONS AT ALL INVOLVED.
Listener…”Do these people know the babies feel unwanted later in life, because THEIR MUMS gave them away!!” The surro’s give them away because they help parents that cannot have their own kids!! There are people in the world that “hunny-bunny-sex “doesn’t work for.The babies do not feel unwanted because the whole suro-thing is like a “luv-job” Women are doing it from the button of there hearts, and the mamma’s and pappa’s that get that child, will love that baby more than most people on street love their own babies, because they want them so badly!!

Listener…”There must be a law about this to stop it!!” There is a law ass!! And it cost a hec-of-a lot of money. There must be a law putting people like you “mouths to shut!!!”

Women that did Surro, was a surro and IP that was giving this wonderful babies from a surro phoned in with their stories…the right stories, because they was involved in this . But the people didn’t listen to it!! They was just sniffing and snotting about their own shitty opinions.

Everybody just have their own opinions.
One THING I want to say about this, is IF YOU NOT ON THE BUS , just get the F$#% off and shut up your face.!!!!!

To do surro is not just something you decided on the spur of the moment when you on a high with pot or booze!! You don’t just grap a surro by the hair from every street corner.

Because my eggs are good and luv’s sperm is still in the swimming gala, we were never put on the decisions of donors….. Because there is still a change of getting my own kids , we were never putting up with decisions of adoptions. And that is why I cannot give my opinions about it…BECAUSE I AM NOT ON THAT BUS.

This is how I am feeling ,how can you just give idiotic opinions about stuff you were never involved in?

Infertility, donors, adoptions, surro’s…. is very emotional stuff that involved persons, families, and friends and have decisions that have an effect on your life forever.

Nov 7, 2010

Still cruising

The embryos is inside and I wish all 4 are now nestle into where the best place will be for them for the next 9 months.

Weird how you feel the moment the embryos, what you think babies are, are in side.

You scared to stand up – What if they fall out?
You scared to pee –what if you pee then out?
You scared to blow your nose-what if they coming through our uterus, through your snotty nose unto the tissue?
You scared to drive gravel road- because they can bump out.
You scared to walk... to jump… to drive…to drink coffee… to have a bath… you are just so scared and 7 days are left to wait for the bloodworks!!

At the moment I drink 9 pills, 2 vaginal inserts bombs and 1 blood thinners injection. And boy o boy I have find the most amazing injections, the needles are so thin, they don’t even make a bruise, as all the other time.

HOW IS MY MOOD RIGHT NOW?????? I am doing just fine ….for now!!!

Nov 5, 2010

4 is on board!!!!

The 4 embies is where they need to be, hope the doctor glued then in our uterus.

This morning is the first calm day just to think… everyday was such a rollercoaster experience and now its over we can just relax ( if you can relax in your 2 week wait).

We got the call for the transfer, then we did everything we need to at home, drive half pass 10 from home the night, sleep over at my mom, early drive to suro-sus, and then we sit around…

The telephone ring, the sister at the clinic…where are we now?? The theatre list is early ( does that happen ever at a hospital????) if we near we can come. So now we getting our stuff and off we go!!!! Very exciting stuff….WE MAKING A BABY!!!!

At the clinic they were waiting for us at the door, maybe because I feel like they’re friend, after all I have been with then since 9 years ago… no waiting, we get our pants down, put on the gowns and off to theatre. (the best part of it all was , we did not get time for the water and you will know THAT FULL BLADDER IS KILLING YOU!!!!!)

Suro-sus went first, and the whole theatre atmosphere was WONDERFULL!!! Everybody was so NICE!!!! While we were waiting for Dr Amazing. I discuss my eggs with the “ Lab-Rat” he said my eggs are just fine, How old are you??? And without a blink of my eye I said 26! The sister could not stop laughing as well as Luv and Sus. The sister said what are you doing here if you only 26. Must be the hormones my head is whoozzzz… if I am not eating dog food I forgot my age!! Maybe I am a young dog!

Any case Dr Amazing step in, he is just the best in the world!!! We‘ve got 7 embies, they really was very confused what to do if they must put 4 or 5???? At the end Suro-sus got 2 and I got 2. The rest will stay in the expensive hotel and If they fine by Saturday will be freeze.

You get on the bed, they cover you up for what’s its worth, and they put your legs in stirrups!!( just luv this part ..its horrible, you not trying to get a tan under the massive theatre light?? Are you??) Then they put the speculum in, and then they washed your cervix, while lying in FULL display!!! Dr put the catheter into your uterus. The sister is sitting the scan on your stomach. Then the embryologist is loading the the embryos and then they inject the little “wishing-they all-become – babies-embryos” to the best place into your Uterus. Then you roll over to a bed and get wheeled to your room where you have to lie still for an hour.
I was fine with the transfer, but when the doctor said this must be your lucky one after everything you went through and said the students was shock when the saw my case, I got very emotional!!

My transfer was also fine!!! To kill time we played 30 seconds. Luv was asking the questions for me and sus. Then they bring us tea and sandwiches ( suro-sus can be so lucky we took her out to this nice coffee shop…lying on you back…it is the most expensive coffee shop we ever visit!! Hahahha

I am loads with meds, blood thinners, and the jikky vaginal pills!!!!

So now the ever dreadful 2ww is on us!! Testing date the 14 November!! The Sunday!!

Now we believe and pray!!!!
30 seconds to kill the hour!!

                                                       Luv and Suro-sus( the best women EVER!!)
                                          Who said the tranfer is not hard on men!!!

Nov 3, 2010

Off we go!!

Just got the call from the clinic. We've got 4 good embies and Dr wants tranfer to be tomorrow.

We 've got a function on tonight and then after that, we will drive to my mother's house, sleep over and tomorrow morning we will pick-up Suro-sus and ET will be at 11h20.

Suro-sus and the meds are not "glueing" but she is very positive!!! I am in limbo...

Please keep us in your thoughts, PLEASE!!!!!


Nov 2, 2010

Nice to be back at home

So nice to back home again!!! So last night when we arrived home I was in my “house of pain”

After the ER, I was very tender inside and the long drive home didn’t make it better.( and roadwork’s just at a extra hour and a half) Today if feel a lot better, except for the “feeling of the flu-virus”

This IVF ,was for me like….”I-am-so-fed-up-of-going-through-this-shitty-stuff-of-no-control” So I just did, what I was told!! I did not think…..I did not feel….I did not talk…I was very emotional and I was trying just not to burst out, into tears every day. For me it feels like the end of the road!!! I was coping for 9 years but after this cycle I don’t want to cope any more…I want a real life.

What did we do to kill TIME!!!! We visit friends!!!! We have had lots of laughter (the next story happened to me and it cause lots of teasing…. We did a breast cancer walk, Sunday and in the goody bag there was a pack of “droe wors” that’s what I think it was!!! So I opened it and start eating, Suro-sus then start laughing…BECAUSE it was DOG FOOD!!!! I can only blame it on the hormones!!!!! The next morning Suro-sus tell her kids if you want to talk to Stel, you have to call her like a dog, Whoooff, because she just loves dog food!! Very funny!!!

We went to a few Markets… we have had such a nice time with Suro-sus kiddies. We just adore then!!! And I miss then so much!!! And it was so nice to spend time with them and treat then, they give us so much love!!

This morning I got a sms from the clinic with the fertility report. From the 11 follies, 10 were fine and the other one was immature. 5 fertilize!!! And it looks like the other will also fertilize???? ( I did not really understand the sms ), but I will know tomorrow for sure what cooking with my embies.

Its weird I just want to chill….and I believe everything will work out the way it will be.

Thanx a lot for everybody’s support!!! It means a lot!!! In my IF-WORLD support is what I need the most!!!!

Nov 1, 2010

11 Eggies!!!!

I am so excited!!!!! 11!! Its the most ever!! The double-dose meds worked like a bomb.
I am a bit sore...but much better than last time, with the blood that did not stop for a day.

Tomorrow I will up date you on everything, NOW I JUST WANT TO GET IN BED!!


Oct 29, 2010

ER on Monday

Scan today went well. Doctor want to do ER on Monday 11 o'clock.
Looks like there are more or less 10 follies.

The more the better, because we need embies for me and Suro-sus.
I am very bloated, feels like an Oros-man!!!!

We are doing babysitting and loving it!!!!!

Oct 28, 2010

Stop the horse!!!

I am totally crazy,” mind-spinning-making-up-my-own-stories”
This last 3 day till my next scan is driving me crazy…because of all the bad-lucks-happening-to-me!!

…I am shit scared my eggs shrink!!!! Or vanish!!!!! Don’t know if something like that can happen, but my imagination is like a horse out ,on the RUN !!!!!!!!!


Time to kill.

Don’t have much news, just waiting. This IF game is after all about waiting!!!!! And F*&^&*K I have to wait. Friday is the day we will knew when ER will be, and at the stage I am wondering is the eggs still there, what if they disappear into universe?? or decided we don’t like this waiting for the other eggs lets make a duck!!

So we are hanging……yesterday suro-sus and the bloated ME went for an indulge….Nice……Facial, full body massage, Pedi and manicure, maybe it will get our “body-auras” synchronized doing stuff together ( always trying new stuff for the maybe…)

Luv did the babysitting… and the little one surprised him with a no2 diaper!!! Just his good luck!! Maybe its their way to get him back from when they older and he will tease them…

Oct 26, 2010

10 Follies!!

This morning with the scan there are…… 10 follies!!! Great news!!!!!

The double-up meds did their work. The doctor is very happy, as always!!! Just hope the end will be happy as well. Suro-sus lining is fine!

Now I must go for the next scan on Friday.

Suro-sus hired us to paint her kitchen….job done!!!!
I’ve got hell-of-headaches, feel like a tiger is hitting his claws into my head.

Oct 25, 2010

Off to the clinic tomorrow.

Today I must get everything pack and in order. Pick up stuff I need…leave house keys for the house sitter…do all the washing ect…

I am doing okay , just busy cracking of headaches!!! Its so bad!!! I want to rip my brain apart just to get the pain out. Every IVF is different for me , never get the same feelings, emotions, or aches…

Don’t know why, can’t wait to see what’s up inside…How many follies?? Scared every time, what if my body strike and nobody’s home inside and the cycle got cancelled (luckily never ever happened but it’s like your mind just go whuzzzzz)

The highlight of the week is seeing Suro-sus kids!! I am missing then so much!! We are going to treat them out of there socks!!!

Oct 23, 2010

Tour de UNFIT


Trying to cope with normal life, yesterday night we decided to do a cycle race in our town .

I was not in the mood when I could hear the birds this morning, because that means,,,,nice day!!!!! and nice day meen, you need to get on your bic.

My bicycle was so full of dust....nobody was on it for a while...

Luv did the 40km and I did the 20km, and now I really feel great!!!  Before Luv's races start, we first did the injections in the car. People passing ,must think...What ?????? Weird!!!!!!! If they did a bloodtest on me after the race...????

I did the race not on a adrenal-rush, but on a "hormonal- rush"

Oct 22, 2010

I am ready...

So I am hanging on to normal life... Meds doing great....Luv's doing great...Suro-sus is quiet, I suppose that mean she is doing great.

I try not to think about this cycle, and do normal stuff. I was working this whole week, my new fence is finish , so Woody is out-of-sight. Thank Goodness, I got my own privacy back!! and just love it.

I have been busy with my running program, and I really enjoy it...the reason I am getting fitter day by day, and I was feeling so good today. So I push myself that extra mile. Maybe the eggs will be in good shape too.

So at this stage...eggies grow!!!!!!!!Please Suro-sus and Me need you!!!

Oct 21, 2010

Day 3

Day 3, and I am on my first step of the lovable “hormonal-high and, NO I am not emotional….YET!!!

Luv did the injections this morning ( I can do then 2, but its nicer if he does it) I am like a clown on wheels….just trying to be busy , I think it’s my way of coping.

I am fine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My inner-self ?????????????
Is freaking OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I so badly want this to be it!!! Last time we have had a double try with me and Suro-sus that went through ET. And we both got a BFN!! So pleasssssseeee not again!!!!!

I really need a BFP!!!!!! This time pleaseeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

Oct 20, 2010

Day 2

So AF arrived yesterday!! Jippee must be crazy to be happy for that…but in this case its good.

I was away for 2 days, so now I can start getting my mind into action for the “IVF Vacation”

It’s going to be a holiday… with days filled with nice hormonal trips… emotional brake-downs ( every vacation have its bumpy roads )… painful injections… feeling all swell-up( everyone pick up extra weight on holiday)… having friends sharing good moments ( in this case its doctors and nurses and everybody just want to peek at us)… funny things that happened on holidays… being away for a week… lots of money…so as you can see ,this is like a vacation!!!!!


Tomorrow is day 3…
Tomorrow morning at 8…Doctor Luv will start with the Menopur and Gonal F

Oct 18, 2010

Ready, steady....where's the GO??

Weekend was such a bliss of fun and laughter!! We where having so much fun !! Just what I needed at this stage of the race.

I am on CD 28....My mind is purple bag is ready for action...Luv the doctor is ready for the injections...Suro-sus is on a Lucrin-High...


No, I am NOT pregnant already did the POAS just to get my mind off  ...a maybe....

So now we wait!!!

Oct 15, 2010

Baby Awareness Day

Today I will light candles for my 9 ANGEL BABIES I never got to meet!
You will never be forgotten....xxxxxxxxx !

Oct 13, 2010

I am sitting on an edge!

I am a bit freaking out at this stage; I am charged up for this Suro/IVF and can’t wait to get started... but now I am sitting waiting for my day 1.( it will be more or less this weekend)

Just to keep me, from not totally losing my “IVF-emotional-mind” I searching for stuff to do. Just to be busy.

This afternoon I am going to do flowers in a church, they have a 3 -day flower festival. It will be a first for me, Have I done flowers ever in my life???? NO!

And tomorrow, I am going to paint a friends sitting room.

If you need something done... call me!!!!

Oct 12, 2010

Why do you want kids??

With my whole body, soul, mind, emotions, feelings, everything I consist of, I want a FAMILY!!

I want me and Luv’s kids. I want us to be a family. I want to do family stuff. I am jealous of people that have a family, men and women that adore their kids. Men and women that the word FAMILY means everything in the whole wide world.

But then you get Men and Women that want kids!! Because it’s nice if people ask you “do you have kids?” and you can say “YES!! 2/3 whatever!! They want the kids, but: O, Please!!!! I just don’t want them to invade our space!!

During the week they work, SO hard (mostly people like that think they are the only ones on earth that work). Other people look after their kids, they work. Other people doing mommy and daddy stuff with them. If the kids call the people, that look after them...Mommy or daddy, the parents always say every quickly that Sometimes the kids get confused. NO THEY ARE NOT CONFUSED!! The kids get more attention from the other person and that is why they call them daddy or mommy.

But you know its fine, during week time…But then weekend arrive…and this is then when the parents that worked the whole time, needs “ME TIME”
Weekends is family-time, doing fun stuff with your kids. Why do you then leave them with other people because you want to go shopping (Shopping malls are full of families with kids) Want to go to restaurants every time without your kids?( if other people are sitting with their kids next to you.)

If you want kids, you know your life will never be the same ever again!! You have kids now!! Enjoy them!! Do stuff with them!!

If you are doing stuff over the weekend and everybody around you are adults, because kids are not allowed, that’s fine (like a wedding).
BUT IF YOU LEAVE YOUR KIDS WITH A BABYSITTER, AND YOU ARE LOOKING AROUND YOU AND THERE ARE KIDS RUNNING AROUND… I HOPE YOU FEEL HORRIBLE!!! Your kids are missing out on family time, because you want ME TIME! I will bet on it that it is happening every weekend.

If you have kids???? Go and sit and make a mark every time other people babysit your kids and you will be so surprise to see that other people have more time with your kids than yourself. Because you are firstly thinking what YOU like to do, you want to have fun-time. You are not a family-parent!!!

There are so many IF’s that just want a family…why are so many people abandoning their kids??

Oct 10, 2010

Woody's Work!!

For 5 years I could not see the house you are seeing now!! The trees where so nice , it was this BIG WALL OF GREEN, and it was so private we never even close the curtains of our bed room, believe it or not.

After Woody's mass destruction, its the fisrt time I saw this house, we never even know the people next door or seen them because the previous owner was so private he never came out of his house, but now its the end...

Luv cannot even go outside if nature calls for a wee, because the whole street will have a "birds-eye-view" of his best friend.

Oct 8, 2010

Enjoy the weekend!!

 My mother visit me yesterday and we had, had such a GOOD time. They are going on holiday and she don't know how her camera work. Need to help her with lessons.  She also left with my camrecorder( don't know if its the last time, camera will ever be reunited with me, the owner???)

Suro-sus is on her Lucrin-Vibe( just loving the dreadful headaches!!) Her 3 year old is playing nurse, and just want to do the injection during the day. One per day is not enough for little-miss-nurse!!

Woodpecker still busy.... just want to find a before picture then  will post!

Oct 7, 2010

I am in pause-mode

I am in “Limbo-just cruising-taking-day-by-day-actually-freaking-out-stage” I am living in a bubble of “NO FEELINGS”

In 2 weeks time AF( My periods) will arrive so at the end of October my treatment will start. And I can really say I don’t know what to feel.
That’s one thing IF did to me…it has stolen all my emotions. EVERY SINGLE FREAKING EMOTION!!

And I hate it!!

# I can never be excited, because there are ALWAYS disappointments
# I can never just be happy, because things change in seconds
# I cannot do treatments and think THIS WILL BE THE ONE! Because it’s not!
# I am scared to do IVF, because it don’t always work
# I hate the 2WW, because I feel pregnant, have all the symptoms and then it’s BFN!!
# When I am Pregnant, I cannot get excited because it ALWAYS end up in a miscarriage
# I actually can just have ZERO EMOTIONS!!!

Oct 5, 2010

There is a Woodpecker next door!! HELP!!

I was away for the day… and when I got back this afternoon...I went into shock!!!

The house next to us was sold 2 months ago. It was a very cosy house with the nicest garden. There is (now was) this beautiful row of trees between our house and the neighbour. It was very private!

But the new idiot that bought the house, was trimming the trees and now everybody 10 houses down the street can see EVERY SINGLE THING THAT'S HAPPENING AT OUR HOUSE!!

We’ve got absolute ZERO PRIVACY now! I feel naked!! He is ripping everything out!!! I will put up some pic’s tomorrow. I want to cry!!!

He wants a farm-feeling!! He hit down a wall and he is going to put a Farm gate in. Goodness graces we are living in a TOWN!!! Bastard!!!

Our whole “love our garden-cosy-private-feeling” is GONE in Secondes!!

But we've got a surprise for this joker .......

Oct 4, 2010

Saturday, 3 o’clock we arrived at the place where the CANSA RELAY OF LIFE took place. It’s a fundraising for Cancer. We enter a team, our name…THE SUPER SUPORTERS!!! We have got Silver for best dress team.

The Relay starts at 6 and end the next morning at 6. One of the team must be on the track walking around it. It was so much fun!!!! And I could not believe how the people did not stop walking throughout the night. It just never stop and everybody have had so much fun!!!

Every time you past the beginning you get a bead you can put on a string to see how much labs you have done. I have done 55!!!! That’s a lot!!! And today I can feel it in my legs!! ( I was also carried Suro-sus little one a few rounds)

Getting home on Sunday( after NO SLEEP) we just shower, and them jumping in bed for a power nap! and 9 o’clock last night I was sleeping till this morning!! And now I am relax and can take the bull by its horns!!

Suro-sus start her Lucrin on Saturday morning!! And I have received my parcel of horrible hormones!! So we are more or less on “Route-trying-no2-Suro-attempt “


                       The Super Surporters at the start!!!! ( Suro-sus and Me in the middle, in front)

Oct 1, 2010

end of the week

Friday is my favourite!!! I love weekends!! The best is too having My Luv 24/7 next to me.

I am not totally 100%...system struggle get itself fix!! And Saturday we are going to take part in the Relay of Life for Cancer. Seeing forward to it, I just luv stuff like that.

Don’t know why…but Fridays are like a special day, I just want to do nice stuff. Drinking coffee and visiting friends.

This weekend Suro-sus are going to start with her Lucrin. So things are slowly getting started for our next attempt.

Enjoy your weekend!!!! And keep well

Sep 30, 2010

What Spectacles are YOU wearing ??

Life is….what spectacles you are wearing!!

If I think of my life…I think I have this super, wonderful, very exciting life!!! It’s a life that is JUST too GOOD to be true!! And I just love every second of it!! But it is, because I choose it!!

Because acutely there is so much really horrible, bad stuff that have happened in my life all the time...and it never tend to stop, they are just coming around….and around…and around! And most people don’t even know half the bad stuff that walk with me in my life. Because I don’t want upset the people near me, I want to save then the bad stuff.

I am a very positive person and I have this thing that, you have no control what will happened in your life. People want to know how I cope in life???

If something bad has happened, you have no control and it will happen, but then it is your choice what to do with it. I choose to face it, go through all the emotions, and then get myself together and face life and make the best of the rest…Not always easy that I can tell you, sometime fucking damm difficult!!!

When I was TTC for 3-4 years, I was in a very DEEP…DARK…DEPRESSION…PLACE ( I was not coping, at all) and then we were on holiday, it was so wonderful BUT I was so depress I wanted to die…and it was there and then I have make this act to choose.. And I choose LIFE!!!

If I have choose to sit like a hen on my “bad emotions nest” life will pass me and at the end I will be this horrible women nobody like , but now I have a life, a very GOOD one.

…my life is not full of rose pedals and babydust…but I’ve got a very nice spectacle on, one that suit me well.

Sep 28, 2010

Getting me head on track.

I just loved it when there is a lot of stuff happening in my life! Why I don’t know, maybe to keep my mind 24/7 on its “brain nerves” maybe it is just my way of coping??? With the life that chooses me… because I did not make the choosing…hell knows who will choose an infertile life?? Maybe someone from Planet Suffering?

I’ve got just less than a month before we can start the next IVF!! Excited? YESSSSSS!!!!!

Scared??? Shit scared!! I hate that dreadful call to find out the BETA…

Suro-sus collect our medicine last week, Yeeekk!! Some how it feels nice to know someone is with you but I can only admire her, to go through this again!! Her 3year old is very excited about the medicine?? I think she is the only lunatic on earth getting excited over IF medicine. She wants Suro-sus to unpack it daily and she is asking if she can do the injections! Crazy!!

The doctor have change the medicine from last time, and I like it because to do everything the same as last will just make me feel it will be a bummer! And I will be over the moon if there can be embies to freeze( never happen before)

Any case IVF stuff is tumbling in my head!!! Every single minute!!! With every year that pass the end of the road is nearer…

Sep 27, 2010

Long weekend!

This was a LOOOOOOONGGGG weekend! Firstly on Tuesday I was feeling not so okay… there was a feeling in the air...Some kind of Virus-Attack and the victim ME!!!!!! And towards the end of the weekend it I was feeling horrible sick. FLU!!!! Maybe my system crash after this whole Suro-court-have-to-get-the-okay-thing??? Don’t know!!

Only got back this afternoon and I starting to feel okay! It feels like I have been gone for a long time. Wednesday we stayed with friends and having such a nice time caching up on all the stories. Thursday one of my friends got a baby boy (can’t wait to see the little one!) She was one of the few that did not complain about pregnancy and all the stuff most women will wine on the whole 9 months.

Thursday onwards we spent time with my brother and his family + the attachment! I have a sister and a brother, I adore then. We have always had such a lot of fun and joy! Doing nice things together. Now everybody have their own lives and we don’t see each other that often. I was seeing forward spending time with my brother, his 2 kids (the boy is 19 months, he is so quite !!! and his little sister she is 4 months!) and my sister in-law.

Before the this weekend I was telling Jan I really seeing forward to this weekend to spend time with then because we don’t see then much and just to spent family time again, missing my brother a lot.

Then the attachment ( my sister in law’s sister) arrive with then, catching a lift with then. Because she is going to friends……………she stayed the whole weekend. The Friends ??????? meet the friends and I don’t even think they have invite her if you ask me.

So family weekend down the dark drain!!Bonding time with the kids…Catching up with my favourite brother… luckily for the flu I could escape to my room.

Sep 22, 2010

She ring the bell!!

AF showed up yesterday!! And she is one of those visitors that I HATE!!! She is a BITCH!!

I feel like and HIPPO with a fart, that want to explode any second….but it don’t happen. So I feel fat, and ugly, and moody, down and 1000de other things. Everything except SUPER FANTASTIC!

And every time she arrived I hope with everything in me..IT IS THE LAST!! But no!! She will show up!! She wants to be my best friend!! ( I want to kill her )

..and all the pads and tampons I need to buy!! Actually funny there is not companies that want to put there stickers on my car, and give me clothes with their names on to wear!! Then when I walk in the street people can see, there goes the Kotex girl!! She is so cool!!

Now I just need a nice cup of tea and want to sleep for a week! I want myself back!

Sep 21, 2010

My Story..

Because this is a new blog and some of you don’t know my horror history, and let me telling you its horror, NOT FOR SENSITVE READERS! I will let you have a peek inside:

Married 10 years ago, with loads of baby-dreams!!! May sound crazy but I want 5!! 10 years later fucking ZERO!! Just struggling my dam ass off and still on the TTC BUS. (Cannot find the ticket to get off the bus)

Trying with sex !! NO babies!! I think sex is for enjoyment purely, it don’t make babies that I can tell you!

The route that followed was surgery to remove, septum, endo, twisted tubes ect. Doctors cannot find anything wrong! Hubbies sperms are 1st class swimmers!! My eggs are excellent!! But things just don’t happened, so we are classified under the UNEXPLAINED LABEL!!

We did loads of timed cycles, full of hope!!! 8 x IUI!!! 1x GIFT!! 4 x IVF!! Falling pregnant 7 times, miscarriage 7 times, lost 9 babies (still think it is so sad) One was a ectopic lost my left tube ( with 2 tubes I was struggling, now with less one…??)

Once I was Pregnant with triplets, lost one at 8 weeks and then the identical twin boys on 17 weeks (just went onto labour at home, with only hubbie home) It was so sad !!!

Then my wonderful sister offered to be a Surrogate for us!!! She is such an angel!! We tried it in March but it did not work. Now we are giving it another try!!!

At this stage of the freaking stupid race!! Of trying and trying we just need to stay positive!! What stupid thing it is to be staying positive!!!

It is to have hope!!! HOPE is a cruel emotion!!!

House Concert - DONE!

I was on such a high after the Okay from court, and now I can’t wait to get started!!

Such a lot of stuff is happening in my life, feel like a rollercoaster!! And I just love it!!

Yesterday, I did my House concert again, hopefully for the last time. The people luv it! For me it was more difficult the second time, but it is for something nice. The money goes for Cancer!! We are going to take part in the Cancer-relay on the 2nd of October (you need to walk the whole night, because cancer don’t sleep) we will be the SUPER SUPPORTERS TEAM!
AF show up today, hate it!!! But the next one will maybe be my lucky cycle, baby!! High Hopes!!!

I am horrible with spelling and tenses, so you have to read between the lines if you want to understand me. Maybe that is why you need to know me, to be my partner in “30 seconds”

I am seeing forward to the long weekend, we are going with my brother to Hartenbos. I just love going away!!

Sep 19, 2010

Saving +/- R 20 000

My sister surro for us in March, it was negative.  Then in May she wanted to try again. No matter if she did it before, the law changed ( 1st April ) and we needed to do an application at High Court. I was so down then, because an IVF is costing such a lot of money and now this application would also cost a LOT of money.
I got names and contacts of “specialized people” who work with this (how can anybody be a specialist if the law just been changed??????)

I was doing my own research on the law reading through everything, asking lots of people quotes (what it was for, why we need it for the application, etc etc). I came to the conclusion that  IT’S A PLAIN STRAIGHT FORWARD APPLICATION. The law is straight forward on all the do’s and don t’s. To  myself it felt like there was a lot of people just want to make money and not caring a damn about us, the INFERTILES.

One of the first things that caught my eye was the Social workers reports. They Quotes R 5 000 and it’s the same stuff that the Psychologist have to write. The law changed so you don’t need to adopt anymore, so why this report??? I was told that I will have to have this report for the court application. I thought Bull-shit!!! At the end it turned out exactly that – You don’t need a Social workers report anymore!!!!
I was intimidated a lot and that make me even more furious, and more determined to find someone that will help me. Lots of people trying to help me and at the end I met Jaenre Botha, an attorney!! I was explaining everything to her, and she liked this challenge. She is such a sweet, nice lady. Knowing nothing about Infertility, but wanted to found out everything. She wanted to help me because for the 1st time she realized how hard INFERTILITY  can be on people.
Because it’s a High Court case you need an Advocate as well. Luckily her husband, Hermie Wentzel, is an advocate and he helped us. It is so nice working with them.
When everything was in place the High Court was closed for 2 months (because of world cup soccer!!??) and we needed to wait.
Friday we went to court and get the okay to proceed!!!! Jippeeeee, I am so happy!!!!
….And the best of all, we saved plus/minus R 20 000!!!!! Yes it’s true!!!
What I have learned is, GET QUOTES!!!!!! It’s your right!!! If you have a good lawyer team they will save you money! Ask the lawyer what you need and what it will cost. You DON’T need the social workers report (saving R 5 000 quickly!). For the Psychologist – shop, shop, shop!! Nobody is a specialist, doctors is! And some specialized people’s quotes were more than the doctors who is doing the jobs at the end. The law states exactly what you need. You need a lawyer, a doctor’s report and a report from a Psychologist. And any Psychologist can do the job because the law prescribes what is needed.
Suro-sus have already had her day 1, now we need to be synchronized and will start more or less at the end of October.
…hoping this will be the end of my road!

Sep 17, 2010

YES !!!!!

We just got the call !!!!!!!! The court give us a Big Yes!!!!

We can do a next cycle of Suro/IVF !!! 

Sep 14, 2010

Friday is D day

May be you don't know all the insite-info, We have tried Suro with my Sister in March...did'nt work and then when we want to give it a try again in May the Law have change.

We need a okay from court!!!! SO then I tried too get laywers and advocates for cheaper, then the people who quote first( They where so expensive ) I found someone and the moment we want to go to court it was soccer and the court was closed for 2 freaking months..... I wanted to CRY out loud!!!

Any case Friday we will be in court!!!!! Can't wait!!

Sep 12, 2010

My New life ,,my new BLOG!!!

After a year of blogging!! in Afrikaans I am now going to do it is English and I have a new BLOG name.
 ZERO Guarantees!! because om my road to here... I have see time after time there is ZERO GUARANTEES!!!!

So it is the end of my old blog

Hope you will enjoy it!!!