May 31, 2011

Baby Room

Boring only the worms have colour...

                 You can just think how the twins are going to do there homework here!!

A lot of people are asking about my baby room???? Have you started?? What is it going to look like?? Do you have a theme for the room??

If pregnancy is not “u-natural” for you, you do not do your baby room just after you have pee-on-a-stick and get double line! You wait… and in my case I actually want to wait till I see the 2 little miracles in my arms. ( but that will be a bit of a problem I suppose) I don’t know what it’s going to look like…but under pressure I perform the best!! And the theme??? If you know me , you will know I am not the theme type, mostly because I cannot made up my mind!! The more chaos the better!!

There are so many nice things for baby rooms!! How do you choose?? And the big thing I am scared off… my DIY projects…and believe me I have a few for the room!! You will just have to wait and see!!

I have put 2 pics of the room as it is now!! It was my “hobby-room” and have clean-up the cupboards. So now this is not a baby room, if you put the babies in here now, they will have nightmare!!

After the 20 week scan I will start with the room!

May 29, 2011

I wants to hit the road!

After this weekend I will seriously think to get my “tekkies” on!!! I have not done any exercise the past 2 months. From the 1st of April I was sick!!  I went through 2 set of antibiotics,  did not help ,I just stay sick. I was so fed-up!! Being sick the whole time. Its only after Tuesday that I feel fine!!!.

Yesterday Luv did a mountain trail run of 24 km ( I can not even climb 10 steps) so I was feeling like a DUU!!!!!! And today I watch the Comrades marathon. ( One of my friends did sooooo good this time!!!) I am so happy for her! Congrats!

 I am so jealous of all these people that feel so sporty and good. So tomorrow I can just maybe start by walking!!

May 25, 2011

To all the IF Sisters

Lately I am thinking a lot of all my IF-Sisters!! I have been one for so looooooong  and there was days I was thinking I am going to be a IFFER for ever. You know ,like at the end I am going to get a “life-long-infertile-badge”

I know how every time we were not doing treatments ( it was the time when we was busy getting the strength to tackle the bull by his horns to do it AGAIN…, or the time busy rocking or savings-piggy for money, and NO it was not for ice cream, it was for nice stuff like hormones.MMMmmmmmm

…and that I can tell you every single time I was just thinking, can’t I just be pregnant, just to get there was huge for me, because then I can take it day by day. And the minute I was pregnant I BELIEVE WITH EVERY SINGLE THING IN ME…THIS IS GOING TO BE IT!!! Just  so that my heart could be broken into 1000000000000000000000000000000000 of pieces  with a miscarriage.

And year after year you just keep on wishing, keep on praying, keep on hoping!!!

I always think… I will only know it will be the end if I saw a baby, then I will know it’s for real!! I am still believing that  second when I see them, I will know  this will be the end!!

Because I am still not off the hook yet . I still feel like an semi-IFfer…

And I know how there are so many girls out there that wishes with their whole heart to be lucky with a baby. Girls that feel they have been forgotten. Girls that feel they will never get lucky!! I know how it feels to be left behind year after year after year. Listening to the every “24 sec-next-pregnancy-announcement” of your friends , to the “how-difficult-it-is-to-have-kids” comments.
So to all the girls with a baby wish in your heart, my wish for each and every one of you lovely girls out there, I know how hard it is for you…….. I HOPE YOUR NEXT TIME WILL BE YOUR LUCKY ONE!!

May 24, 2011

I am starting to say goodbay

The last 2 days I have been working away from home. When we got married I work from home for 3 years and then Luv’s work change and we move to a town about an hour’s drive from there.

It was hard for me to just leave my clients, so I decided I will go and work there every second week for 2 days and then because I am not there regularly they will leave me soon and then I will stop working there, and I will then only work from home and not away!!


For 8 years my clients did not leave me !!!! So my work there did not stop after all these years!! They have been my clients  now for 11 years!! And I just love them to bits!! Every single one,( and there age’s are from 20’s to 80’s) means something in my heart. Everyone is like and different book. Together we have been trough laughter and tears, Kids in schools to kids that got married. From being a mother to being a grandma. Going through divorces to wonderful happy stories. I just love their  stories!!!

The hour’s drive was my ME TIME, my THINKING TIME, my PLANNING TIME,  it was my CRYING TIME ( after getting my bloodworks over the years with big fat negative’s, decided what’s next on the IF route, just sorting out my life) That drive to my clients was my PSYCHOLOGIST!! That hour’s drive was what make me cope with my life. Have to say I was crying a lot of time, my lungs out in that car.

SO now how do I tell them?????Its so hard for me. SO the last 2 days I was telling them this wonderful news!!! They are all over the moon for us!! ( yes they cried, like most of the people that found out we are pregnant!! And all of them think my sus are the best thing in the world)… and then the following ….so you are going to leave us now??? And what do I say???? I think so,

 but let’s take this monthly and see.

May 22, 2011


Last years Relay!!

Every year I do a coulase  of photo’s of the past year. I have been doing it for 10 years now. It’s nice , because when I look at it the whole year is jumping to my memories at once and then I remember all the nice stuff we’ve been doing. It’s already May and I have not even beginning to start 2010.
And for me it feel like last year all we did was IVF, Court case, Fertility clinic, injections, medication and NO fun stuff at all, but then…
I grap my labtop…open up 2010 pictures, and what a surprise!!!! We have done such a lot of fun stuff,  nice stuff and exciting stuff. So in a second I have forgotten all the shit stuff.
One of the things we enjoyed a lot last year was the Re.lay of life ( it’s a through the night walk for cancer) we have had so much fun. And all of us decided last year we will be back this year. But now things have change abit.
The relay will be in October ( very near Suro-sus due date) and our group of last year ,exist of 5 women and of the 5. Suro-sus is pregnant now, I am don’t know what you call me ??? Semi-pregnant, one of the other girls will just have had her baby , the other one is pregnant and then the only one not being pregnant is my mom!!!! Thank goodness she is not pregnant!!! That will be a disaster.
So this year we will skip, but 2012 we will be back with a even BIGGER group.

May 18, 2011

Questions and Answers.

I have ask Suro-sus a few questions:
ME:            How many weight have you pick up?
SURO:        Nothing yet!
ME:            Do you still fit into your normal clothes?
SURO:        Yes, but I can see the little bump starting now.
ME:            When you first found out it’s twins, what was your feelings?
SURO:        Shocked!!!!  Big time! I am still in Shocked.
ME:            …and now?
SURO:        I am starting to get excited now, but I am more excited for You and
ME:            What pregnancy symptoms do you have?
SURO:        Nausea ( more or less the whole day on-and-off,) heartburn a lot!
ME:            What food make your want to vomit?
ME:            What food do you like now?   
SURO:        FRUIT!
ME:            Is it nice to be part of this journey?
SURO:        Yes, its wonderful!
Me:             Now that you have seen and be part of the infertile world. What           
                   Is your thinking on it?
SURO:        It must be very hard and very emsional. You can be soo lucky if
                   You not in it!!
ME:            What was the most horrible part of the treatments for you?
SURO:        Lying with my legs wide open with an audience watching and a huge theatre light putting you privates in the spotlight!!  Weird way of making babies!!
                   You can be so blessed if sex are working for you!
ME:            They have put you in a menopause? How did you feel?
SURO:        It was okay.
ME:            and the injections for 9 weeks everyday on your bum?
SURO:        In the beginning it was fine , but the end was not so nice any more.
                     My poor ass!!
ME:            Are you emotional with this pregnancy?
SURO:        NO!!!  but you and Luv are very emotional???
SURO:        Are you ever going to stop crying??
ME:            NO!!!! the best crying is still to come!
ME:            How are you family feel about this?
SURO:        Very excited!!
ME:            and you friends?
SURO:        They think it great!! And they are busy planning the after-birth-party!
                   With champagne in the hospital! And the nice part I can just enjoy it
                   NO babies to look after. Lucky me!
ME:            You do get the  question…will it not be hard to give away the
SURO:        NO !!! not at all!! Its not my babies, they yours I am just the
                   Incubator, because your’s is broken. I don’t want any more kids at
ME:            Are you scared??
SURO:        Yes, for the end. Because we don’t know the exact date the twins will         arrive.         

May 17, 2011

Scan weekend!!

Went for lunch after the scan ( The veggies on our plate did make Suro-sus feel sick)
13 weeks!! Sus bump are just about to start showing!
                                              We are saying Good Baai for our little babies!!
                                                ...and yes, I did cry in the car on our way home!!

May 15, 2011

13 weeks

Friday we went for the scan. Before we started the lady ask me how many times have you been pregnant...9 times so this is your 10th?? Yes. and then she ask,  how many living babies??? none!! she was shocked...

Twin A was 12 weeks 5 days and twin B 12 weeks 4 days. So they are growing so good!!. It was so nice to see them again!! I just adore them with my whole heart!!

I can not help, but the moment the scan came on and I hear the heart beat the tears where rolling!! Yes I cried!! Like all the other times!! It is just so amazing!! And this pregnancy is not doing me any good, I and crying for anything and everything! But I just don’t care a hec. The one twin was waving at us, I think the twin wants us to know they can not wait to meet the best parents in the whole wide world! Me and LUV!
The twins are fine and perfect and we are so relief!!! And blessed! And we are moving on to 2nd trimester. Jippee!!
This scan as super amazing!! We could see everything so perfectly.
The exciting part we have started to do Eye-shopping… and found amazing stuff. The baby stuff is so beautiful, but we are just looking.

Twin A
Twin B
                                          Hi Mommy and Daddy!!!! We love you xxxx

May 13, 2011

They are Perfect!!

I will post a more detail post when I am home on Sunday.

But for now.... today was sooooo wonderful and the scan was so detailed!!! is was AMAZING!!!!!

They are on track and there is nothing wrong with them, they are just perfect!! They are Beautiful!! and it was so emtional to see them again.

Have a nice weekend will post some pic'c Sunday!


May 12, 2011

Scan time

Tomorrow we are going for the big scan!!! And I am just so excited to see our 2 little miracles!!!
I know we can found out the gender…. I am a curious-person, but I don’t want to know what it is and Luv also don’t want to know!! We don’t care what it is , we just want  2 special babies. I cannot  wait for the moment when I can just hold then in my arms.
10 years ago we have decided we don’t want to know, and now even more!! Because I don’t feel pregnant, have no nausea, my bump are not showing( what you see on me is a hormonal-fat-tummy), my boobs are normal, I will not feel them kicking. That’s why we don’t want to know, because we want to feel part of something and this is the only surprise. We want to feel excited when we go to theatre, and that will be a big surprise to see what we will have at last!!

May 11, 2011

Nearly finish

Some of the stuff that's going out of my house

As you know, I unpacked, remove, move and did something that was long time due. That was to go through all my cupboards. Which sound like an exciting thing to do, change into a project  that was so irritating and so chaos.
My cupboards are neat but you always put new stuff in, and in, and in, and in. So when I start I did not know where to start… so where do you start  when you don’t know where, You rip out every single thing that’s in there and through it on the floor, on the beds , on tables…
It was so chaos we could not walk in our house and it took me 2 days. One Friday and Monday to find a new place for everything that need to stay. SO what happen to Saturday and Sunday???? It feel like we live in a burglary, things lying everywhere!! I hate it.
Because I was so fed up with everything… I did not think… If I did not use, wear or I was just over irritated, I threw it AWAY!!! I end up yesterday with a room full of stuff, that needed to be sorted out. So I sorted it out in 9 bundles witch I will give out this weekend, I just can not wait to get it out of my house!!!
Last night was heaven just to get in the bath without needed to be “a cliffhanger” struggling just get to the inside of the shower!
But now I am sorted out for the next 8 years!!! I am starting to clean up  my life!

Suro-sus are doing fine with our babies. She is so nice she already took the babies on a sea vacation holiday, to to watch the Stormer@ Crusader's game and they went to the farm. I dont hope they want to stay there for ever!!

May 10, 2011

12 weeks!! Jipeee

Wowww Wowww!! We are 12 weeks this week!!! The end of the 1st Trimester!! And I am asking how did we get here????? It’s unbelievable!!!!
First it was 4 weeks, never getting to 5….very stress full to 6…try to get the time over till 7…can not wait for the scan at 8 weeks… loads is public holidays, Easter weekend and  I did a total house clean-up( still busy) and then its 12 weeks!!! This so super amazing!!
I can not describe it to you all. When I am pregnant, there is, before you can say sex… trouble!!! And that trouble’s name is BLOOD!!  When I was pregnant with the twins  I start to bleed at 8 weeks till the sad end.
So my pregnancy is like lying on black bags, bleeding for more or less 22 hours of the day, everyday. I want to faint the whole time ( feeling wonderful just to be pregnant!! Did not think it was abnormal then , now I know it was so abnormal) sometimes it was so bad, I was just lying in my bathroom with just a t-shirt  and bleed. I could not move, because then it feel like streams running all over. Pads where soaks with in 4 minutes. It was like a horror movie. I never in my life want to go through that again. Its so printed in my memory!!
SO now its so nice to be part of this wonderful pregnancy where we can just enjoy every second, And we do enjoy every second!!!! Of this amazing journey! I can not wait for the day when we can hold those 2 miracles!!

May 8, 2011

Happy Mothersday!!


and next  year I am joining you too.

To all the girls with aching hearts, that so much want to be a mother, I am praying for you and sending you hugs xxxxxxxx
I know this is such a difficult day

May 5, 2011


As we saw our friends we are telling them the wonderful news and very one is sooooo excited for us.  I am keeping myself busy with so many things,  just to be busy.

And today I went for my first Yoga class. Did not know what to expect but it really was very nice. It calms me down a lot just to relax… and I need to get into shape. I was also standing on my head!!!( have not been doing that since I was 12!!) I have no excuse to not get into shape now!! Because I am not pregnant.
Yesterday I went for Rele.x and the girl was saying I am improving a lot. Jippee I need to get rid of all this hormones in me and for my system to start working normally.

May 4, 2011

Yes !! I bought something.

Yes, I know I always say that when I am ever  pregnant again I WILL NOT BUY ANYTHING TILL I SEE THE BABIES!! Because of all the disappointments time and time again, and scared to get excited…
This time is so different. It feels like there is a lid on this can, that just want to burst out of control.

…and I must confess…. I bought my first stuff for the twins a month ago…2 very colourful worms!!! I just could not resist!!
 and there is something else… just after we found out we are both pregnant I bought 2 pair of baby sock!! ( maybe I just got the feeling!!)

                                                     The worms are so quite!!!!!

May 3, 2011

11 weeks!

Suro-sus went for the next scan today, with the clinic’s calculations we are 10 weeks 1 day but the scan show 11 weeks both!! Look like the long weekends and holiday did them good!!
Me and Luv did not go with today, I think it’s good for Sus to have a bit of me-time with her own doctor without me and Luv peeping over her.
The one was very active and sucking its thumb ( I want to cry, because I miss-out on that) and the other one was very snoozy!! We definitely have 2 personalities here!! Luv was saying he know exactly how the snoozy one must feel with the other one is kicking him the whole time while he  wants to sleep.( it that happening in our bed??)
Their hearts are beating at 166 and 168 and all is fine!! Now the next scan is the big one!!
This whole day I am so teary, still cannot believe what’s finally happening to us with this 3 miracles ( the twins and their tummy-aunty)

May 1, 2011


This is me sleepy..and waitng for the sharks

Great white shark!!!!!!
Getting in the cage...first!!!

Whaaaaaaaaa!! What did you think  we did today???
We used our voucher ( it was a prize ,I won in a magazine last year ) to go and do SHARK.CAGE.DIVING!!!!
It really was a big thing for me, I don’t like sharks especially “great white sharks”  I am shit scared of them and I get SOOOOOOO Sea sick that I want to die!!! And to go on a boat for 4 hours!! So as you can see I was not so keen using up my prize.
Yesterday I bought sea sick pills and an acupuncture band you put on your wrist. Making double sure I will not be the one and only bugger hanging over the boat puking out my breakfast-intestines-sea-sick-pills-and-last-years-birthday-cake.
So we arrived all geared up for this expedition…. Sharks here we come.
The boat drive was nice and the rest of the crew and “want-to-see-shark-people” was all fun. Then the boat stop and we wait….and wait…and we wait.( sometimes you can wait hours…) I am fine but maybe it was my imagination but feeling weird being on a boat…I hate boats. So I lie down in front, feeling very sleepy ( sleepy is much better than puking, I suppose)…off the pills!!!
Next moment….. Shark!!! Everybody went into alert!! Getting into wetsuits and goggles. Before thinking I was in the cage( even before Luv)…and can not believe it….it was fun!!!! it was so cool!!! And me and luv enjoyed it so much!! Why was I so scared???
 And the best of the whole day I did not puke!!!! I and so chuff with myself!!
Another tick-off from the Buckets List