Sep 30, 2010

What Spectacles are YOU wearing ??

Life is….what spectacles you are wearing!!

If I think of my life…I think I have this super, wonderful, very exciting life!!! It’s a life that is JUST too GOOD to be true!! And I just love every second of it!! But it is, because I choose it!!

Because acutely there is so much really horrible, bad stuff that have happened in my life all the time...and it never tend to stop, they are just coming around….and around…and around! And most people don’t even know half the bad stuff that walk with me in my life. Because I don’t want upset the people near me, I want to save then the bad stuff.

I am a very positive person and I have this thing that, you have no control what will happened in your life. People want to know how I cope in life???

If something bad has happened, you have no control and it will happen, but then it is your choice what to do with it. I choose to face it, go through all the emotions, and then get myself together and face life and make the best of the rest…Not always easy that I can tell you, sometime fucking damm difficult!!!

When I was TTC for 3-4 years, I was in a very DEEP…DARK…DEPRESSION…PLACE ( I was not coping, at all) and then we were on holiday, it was so wonderful BUT I was so depress I wanted to die…and it was there and then I have make this act to choose.. And I choose LIFE!!!

If I have choose to sit like a hen on my “bad emotions nest” life will pass me and at the end I will be this horrible women nobody like , but now I have a life, a very GOOD one.

…my life is not full of rose pedals and babydust…but I’ve got a very nice spectacle on, one that suit me well.

Sep 28, 2010

Getting me head on track.

I just loved it when there is a lot of stuff happening in my life! Why I don’t know, maybe to keep my mind 24/7 on its “brain nerves” maybe it is just my way of coping??? With the life that chooses me… because I did not make the choosing…hell knows who will choose an infertile life?? Maybe someone from Planet Suffering?

I’ve got just less than a month before we can start the next IVF!! Excited? YESSSSSS!!!!!

Scared??? Shit scared!! I hate that dreadful call to find out the BETA…

Suro-sus collect our medicine last week, Yeeekk!! Some how it feels nice to know someone is with you but I can only admire her, to go through this again!! Her 3year old is very excited about the medicine?? I think she is the only lunatic on earth getting excited over IF medicine. She wants Suro-sus to unpack it daily and she is asking if she can do the injections! Crazy!!

The doctor have change the medicine from last time, and I like it because to do everything the same as last will just make me feel it will be a bummer! And I will be over the moon if there can be embies to freeze( never happen before)

Any case IVF stuff is tumbling in my head!!! Every single minute!!! With every year that pass the end of the road is nearer…

Sep 27, 2010

Long weekend!

This was a LOOOOOOONGGGG weekend! Firstly on Tuesday I was feeling not so okay… there was a feeling in the air...Some kind of Virus-Attack and the victim ME!!!!!! And towards the end of the weekend it I was feeling horrible sick. FLU!!!! Maybe my system crash after this whole Suro-court-have-to-get-the-okay-thing??? Don’t know!!

Only got back this afternoon and I starting to feel okay! It feels like I have been gone for a long time. Wednesday we stayed with friends and having such a nice time caching up on all the stories. Thursday one of my friends got a baby boy (can’t wait to see the little one!) She was one of the few that did not complain about pregnancy and all the stuff most women will wine on the whole 9 months.

Thursday onwards we spent time with my brother and his family + the attachment! I have a sister and a brother, I adore then. We have always had such a lot of fun and joy! Doing nice things together. Now everybody have their own lives and we don’t see each other that often. I was seeing forward spending time with my brother, his 2 kids (the boy is 19 months, he is so quite !!! and his little sister she is 4 months!) and my sister in-law.

Before the this weekend I was telling Jan I really seeing forward to this weekend to spend time with then because we don’t see then much and just to spent family time again, missing my brother a lot.

Then the attachment ( my sister in law’s sister) arrive with then, catching a lift with then. Because she is going to friends……………she stayed the whole weekend. The Friends ??????? meet the friends and I don’t even think they have invite her if you ask me.

So family weekend down the dark drain!!Bonding time with the kids…Catching up with my favourite brother… luckily for the flu I could escape to my room.

Sep 22, 2010

She ring the bell!!

AF showed up yesterday!! And she is one of those visitors that I HATE!!! She is a BITCH!!

I feel like and HIPPO with a fart, that want to explode any second….but it don’t happen. So I feel fat, and ugly, and moody, down and 1000de other things. Everything except SUPER FANTASTIC!

And every time she arrived I hope with everything in me..IT IS THE LAST!! But no!! She will show up!! She wants to be my best friend!! ( I want to kill her )

..and all the pads and tampons I need to buy!! Actually funny there is not companies that want to put there stickers on my car, and give me clothes with their names on to wear!! Then when I walk in the street people can see, there goes the Kotex girl!! She is so cool!!

Now I just need a nice cup of tea and want to sleep for a week! I want myself back!

Sep 21, 2010

My Story..

Because this is a new blog and some of you don’t know my horror history, and let me telling you its horror, NOT FOR SENSITVE READERS! I will let you have a peek inside:

Married 10 years ago, with loads of baby-dreams!!! May sound crazy but I want 5!! 10 years later fucking ZERO!! Just struggling my dam ass off and still on the TTC BUS. (Cannot find the ticket to get off the bus)

Trying with sex !! NO babies!! I think sex is for enjoyment purely, it don’t make babies that I can tell you!

The route that followed was surgery to remove, septum, endo, twisted tubes ect. Doctors cannot find anything wrong! Hubbies sperms are 1st class swimmers!! My eggs are excellent!! But things just don’t happened, so we are classified under the UNEXPLAINED LABEL!!

We did loads of timed cycles, full of hope!!! 8 x IUI!!! 1x GIFT!! 4 x IVF!! Falling pregnant 7 times, miscarriage 7 times, lost 9 babies (still think it is so sad) One was a ectopic lost my left tube ( with 2 tubes I was struggling, now with less one…??)

Once I was Pregnant with triplets, lost one at 8 weeks and then the identical twin boys on 17 weeks (just went onto labour at home, with only hubbie home) It was so sad !!!

Then my wonderful sister offered to be a Surrogate for us!!! She is such an angel!! We tried it in March but it did not work. Now we are giving it another try!!!

At this stage of the freaking stupid race!! Of trying and trying we just need to stay positive!! What stupid thing it is to be staying positive!!!

It is to have hope!!! HOPE is a cruel emotion!!!

House Concert - DONE!

I was on such a high after the Okay from court, and now I can’t wait to get started!!

Such a lot of stuff is happening in my life, feel like a rollercoaster!! And I just love it!!

Yesterday, I did my House concert again, hopefully for the last time. The people luv it! For me it was more difficult the second time, but it is for something nice. The money goes for Cancer!! We are going to take part in the Cancer-relay on the 2nd of October (you need to walk the whole night, because cancer don’t sleep) we will be the SUPER SUPPORTERS TEAM!
AF show up today, hate it!!! But the next one will maybe be my lucky cycle, baby!! High Hopes!!!

I am horrible with spelling and tenses, so you have to read between the lines if you want to understand me. Maybe that is why you need to know me, to be my partner in “30 seconds”

I am seeing forward to the long weekend, we are going with my brother to Hartenbos. I just love going away!!

Sep 19, 2010

Saving +/- R 20 000

My sister surro for us in March, it was negative.  Then in May she wanted to try again. No matter if she did it before, the law changed ( 1st April ) and we needed to do an application at High Court. I was so down then, because an IVF is costing such a lot of money and now this application would also cost a LOT of money.
I got names and contacts of “specialized people” who work with this (how can anybody be a specialist if the law just been changed??????)

I was doing my own research on the law reading through everything, asking lots of people quotes (what it was for, why we need it for the application, etc etc). I came to the conclusion that  IT’S A PLAIN STRAIGHT FORWARD APPLICATION. The law is straight forward on all the do’s and don t’s. To  myself it felt like there was a lot of people just want to make money and not caring a damn about us, the INFERTILES.

One of the first things that caught my eye was the Social workers reports. They Quotes R 5 000 and it’s the same stuff that the Psychologist have to write. The law changed so you don’t need to adopt anymore, so why this report??? I was told that I will have to have this report for the court application. I thought Bull-shit!!! At the end it turned out exactly that – You don’t need a Social workers report anymore!!!!
I was intimidated a lot and that make me even more furious, and more determined to find someone that will help me. Lots of people trying to help me and at the end I met Jaenre Botha, an attorney!! I was explaining everything to her, and she liked this challenge. She is such a sweet, nice lady. Knowing nothing about Infertility, but wanted to found out everything. She wanted to help me because for the 1st time she realized how hard INFERTILITY  can be on people.
Because it’s a High Court case you need an Advocate as well. Luckily her husband, Hermie Wentzel, is an advocate and he helped us. It is so nice working with them.
When everything was in place the High Court was closed for 2 months (because of world cup soccer!!??) and we needed to wait.
Friday we went to court and get the okay to proceed!!!! Jippeeeee, I am so happy!!!!
….And the best of all, we saved plus/minus R 20 000!!!!! Yes it’s true!!!
What I have learned is, GET QUOTES!!!!!! It’s your right!!! If you have a good lawyer team they will save you money! Ask the lawyer what you need and what it will cost. You DON’T need the social workers report (saving R 5 000 quickly!). For the Psychologist – shop, shop, shop!! Nobody is a specialist, doctors is! And some specialized people’s quotes were more than the doctors who is doing the jobs at the end. The law states exactly what you need. You need a lawyer, a doctor’s report and a report from a Psychologist. And any Psychologist can do the job because the law prescribes what is needed.
Suro-sus have already had her day 1, now we need to be synchronized and will start more or less at the end of October.
…hoping this will be the end of my road!

Sep 17, 2010

YES !!!!!

We just got the call !!!!!!!! The court give us a Big Yes!!!!

We can do a next cycle of Suro/IVF !!! 

Sep 14, 2010

Friday is D day

May be you don't know all the insite-info, We have tried Suro with my Sister in March...did'nt work and then when we want to give it a try again in May the Law have change.

We need a okay from court!!!! SO then I tried too get laywers and advocates for cheaper, then the people who quote first( They where so expensive ) I found someone and the moment we want to go to court it was soccer and the court was closed for 2 freaking months..... I wanted to CRY out loud!!!

Any case Friday we will be in court!!!!! Can't wait!!

Sep 12, 2010

My New life ,,my new BLOG!!!

After a year of blogging!! in Afrikaans I am now going to do it is English and I have a new BLOG name.
 ZERO Guarantees!! because om my road to here... I have see time after time there is ZERO GUARANTEES!!!!

So it is the end of my old blog

Hope you will enjoy it!!!