Dec 6, 2010

Me Pregnant...never...

Every freaking time I do IVF, I am SO positive, it’s nearly abnormal. BUT I AM A BELIEVER!!

And every time I Miscarriage I think, maybe next time is your lucky time, some or other time your luck must change, and then I am on the same road…the road to nowhere… the road with NO Guarantees….the road with no fucking end after 9 too long years!!!!

I so badly want to be pregnant; I want to have my own kids. But this time with miscarriage no 8, its time to face facts, facts I never ever though will happen and now this is on my door step. In my face!!

My fuck-up uterus seems to hate intruders , she is such a selfish damm bitch!! Why she don’t want my babies to stay, I really don’t know, only if she know me and my dreams…but she goes on strike the moment a baby start to grow. I HATE HER!!!

I am in such a floating bubble, because realty is here. I do believe in miracles, and there is always a tiny bit of luck somewhere in the universe, maybe the satellites will spot me in future, but…

..FOR ME TO BE EVER PREGNANT ????? IT’S THE END!!!! And it is so sad.

It’s fucking damm hard!!! But it’s the end for me, I have to make peace with facts that my chances are ZERO, and emotionally it’s not worth it. So I have to close the BOOK… “I WANT TO BE PREGGIES!!"

Suro-sus demand on doing it again… so if we give it the last try maybe in 2011, I will not put Embies back in me…


  1. Liewe vriendin Cstelle,
    Klik eens hierdie Link aan (kopieer in een dokument!). Bly nog eens hoop, jy bly in my gebede
    Eerste Vlaamse IVM-baby ziet het leven

    Baaie kisses uit Vlaanderen. Heelliefdevol,
    <3 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  2. Ai, Cstelle, my hart is nog steeds seer vir jou... Ek hoop julle kan nog probeer en dat surrosus vir jou swanger kan word... Ek verstaan heeltemal dat jy nie wil moed opgee nie, maar ek verstaan ook dat jy jouself nie weer deur hierdie pyn kan sit nie...