Dec 22, 2010

Whats next!

It’s only a few days and then it’s the end of 2010, JIPEEEEEE!!! I am so dam glad it’s over!!! And 2011…may this be the year of answers. May this be the year where we will know in what direction to go in next.

I luv to start clean-over-new-for the beginning-whatever you want to do!!! And NOW I NEED IT SO DESPRITLY.

My house are cleaned-up, personal admin is done, my garden is well manicured, I am working on my fitness levels. So 2011 can come, I and ready for HIM!!! May this be a HIM year and not another bitchy-year.

We’ve got loads of plans for 2011, but on the IF-FRONT we have decided the following…drumroll…drumroll…never-ever –think –I-will-get-to-this-point, but…

For 10 years I am on this road…a road to nowhere…and emotional road. For 10 years it feels like I was lock up in this IF-JAIL and the people outside forgot where they put the keys.. They forgot me… and now I want this to end.

So next year , the beginning , we will try Suro again, thanx to my wonderful, loving sister. But this will be the last try. I always say I will try till the doctors say your eggs are finish and rotten and dear Luv’s sperms are so old they swim backwards now, with out there tails…

…but This will be it. To be an UNEXPLAIN INFERTILE are the shittiest thing on earth, because nobody can help you because they don’t know what to do or on what to work because you are unexplainable. Its sucks!!!!

And for 10 year we can really say we have tried everything that was offer!! We have put our self through a lot, because of our dreams. That did not turned out to be… its hard to get to this point but its it. And to try and try makes me sick now and everybody saying each time..” this will be your lucky time, just want me to vomit!!!!

Yesterday evening we visit friends in the campsite and I walk into one of the sisters at the clinic. Chat ,,,chat,, chat and she was asking am I okay??? And I could see she feel so sorry for me, and that just breaks my heart!!!!!

1 comment:

  1. Liewe Cstelle. Dit is lief dat jy my ook eens in my Blog skryf. Het jy jou mooi marktfoto opgemerk? En ek het verskillende bydraes met foto's van die Winter. Surf rustig eens wat langer, jy sal bly wees.
    Dankie vir die wense, maar ek vier glad nie Kersfees. Tog wens ek JOU, jou Surosus en jou Luv prettige eindejaarsfeesten.
    Baaie kisses, heel liefdevol,
    Uit Vlaanderen, je vriendin