See you in 2012!! xxxx

I am going to take a break till next year, so this is my last post for 2011!!

Thanx for every single one that follow my blog, I wish I can meet you all!! That will be super great!! Without even knowing each other you support me on my journey,  and that means alot to me!!

It was a year where I have meet wonderful angel-people. All have touched my heart in so many ways!!

This was a rollercoaster year with NO Guarantees in the beginning of the year and it turn out to be the best year of my life!! now we are going to just enjoy the twins which we dearly love.

My wishes for you is.....HAVE A WONDERFUL XMAS!! And may 2012!! Be you super year!!!

Love you all!

Me, Luv, Nika and Wium

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I need to get my whole me into this new time, Xmas time!!! I am not use to it?? It feels weird!

Xmas time is family time!! Its a time where very body is happy and full of smiles, families gathering together after a year of not seeing each other. Children love the whole we-believe-in-Xmas father-and his-gang!! Its lights and food and some places snow and fun. Most people are seeing forward to this the whole year!!!

BUT WHAT IF.....you don’t have  kids, if you are a family of 2 adults???

Then this is the worst time of your life, if you not in it, don’t even open up your month!! Its a don’t go zone!!! And that is where we have been the last 10 years.

I just hated Charismas time!!!!Its SHIT! You feel so alone... you hate the malls where all the shopping took place, and to go to the family gathering break your heart!!! Very year somebody new have a baby it just never ever stop. You have to sit there watching every one O so happy, you need to laugh , but you actually want to cry!! You sit there like ET in the desert... you don’t belong there!!! Because you don’t have kids!! My family always makes us feel welcome and try to make us part ( but it still was hard) and Luv’s family did not once ever took us in consideration.( because we did not have kids)

So the last few years, I did not put a tree in my house.... no lights!!! Because it was so dam fucking sore!! I hate presents!! Some where in the last pass years we ship a family-do –or –two. Once we went skiing, it was wonderful, but still sore .The White Xmas help abit.!!!it was better than the family do, and the  year after I lost my twins there was not a change in hell I could drag myself to Xmas. Me and luv was floating between here and there!!. We stayed in friend caravan while they went to their family-do. That was when we went on Xmas eve to a bar!!! Very body that was in the bar was people that have had sore and not belonging to a chrismas-family. Its was one of the nights we will never ever forget !!! We have met the most interesting people and stories!! Funny was the bar lady decorated all the booz-botlles with xmas trimmings and lights... have you ever!!! And they played all the xmas songs and wanted us to sing along. Geewhilzz me and luv have had such a memorial night!! And now I know what lonely people do, we where one of them, then!!

And now I need to erase 10 years of heartache and tried to get hold of my Chrismas tree and see if the lights even work. Me and Luv are starting our first family xmas with the twins and we are so seeing forward to it!!

Thanx to my little angel sister xxxxxx

Last year this time I was at a very bad place. We did not know what to do next....Me and |Luv was just so fed-up!!!!!!I was feeling terrible after just other miscarriage and the statistics not turning a single time in my favour. I wands feeling shit for Suro-sus, because now she is head-on in  this fuck-up road, of not getting pregnant and we did not want her to go through this stuff again. As you can see, we where on nobodies land not fitting in anywhere!!! ( and for Xmas time to not fit in is awhfull)

We decided we don’t want to do it again, we will enjoy the next 3 for years just to have a normal time for once in our life  and then we will hit the world!!!! We will travel forever!!!!! After all we don’t need to save our money for our kids!! ( little secrect and just before I will turn 40 we will try again, just maybe...)

But my loving sus WANTED to try again!!! ( its in our genes... to not give up) so okay then one more try!!!!! But its the last!!! Suro attempt!!

...and now one year later look how my life turn out to be!!!! We are parents..... We have TWINS...... I am a mom and luv a dad.... We are a family..... We are super-dooper-happy.....My house are not neat anymore.....baby stuff are all over our house.....I am mostly dress in puking clothes and pee on my pants....I don’t get sleep anymore....I AM ADDICTED TO A BOY CALLED WIUM AND A GIRL CALLED NIKA!! They have turned our lives up-side-down.

All our plans vanished in the air!!! And brand new plans have took over!!

And all I can think off is......WHAT IF WE DID NOT TOOK THIS LAST TRY ?????

The weekend was a bliss!!! It was so nice to break and to just chill around and enjoy the kids!! There was DIY work also , l like it just to do some normal stuff again.

The weather was not that nice but the weekend was wonderful. You can feel the holiday feeling here in South Africa.... people are driving all over, kids are on their bikes, its just a chilling vibe!!  We went out with the wraps , our babies just love that and all the attention they got. After all they are special babies. Luv is going to take leave after Xmas it will be our holiday, this year was not very holiday-like, we need this break. Suro sus is also going to visit us. I miss her kids so much. She will have freight if she sees the twins.....they BIG!!

I was Saturday at a friends Bday party and Luv did the baby sitting all on its own....when  I got home He wanted to get me a medal!!!!!! The one twin gone to sleep at 2h45 and the other one wake up at 2h46.... now he know how I spent my days..... running around!!! But loving it!!

Yesterday I was burping them and the bell ring!! I think NO I am not going to open!! Then  my cell ring, curiosity took over to open.... and there my roommate from school was.... haven’t seen her in years!!! It was so nice!!!! This time of year you don’t get much to do, and its most of the time, you that are just soooo lazy you just want to party!!!

...and this year will be the best ever!!!! WE ARE A FAMILY!!!!!

Packed and GO

This last week was busy, but I think its a before-Xmas-thing.

Tuesday there was some personal stuff that was very important that need to be done as soon as possible. It was the first day I went out with the twins in the car on my own....and it went so well!!! I timed myself to see how quickly I will mange them in their car seats, buckle-up and bags pack. Record time just surprise me so much , I have been out allot since then.

The meeting went sooo well!!!! Please to see I still got it!!

The twins did not sleep for 2 days from then on and then yesterday they sleep the whole day!!! Maybe they have had an “don’t-sleep-competition” I did not know of. ( their mother and father are very good at that!) They are on their own wickets and I just need to full in!!. Have to say with a whole days sleep I only got 4hour sleep last night!! Adrenalin????? Kick in please!!!!

We are going away for the weekend, it will be the first time out since ICU that we ar e packing again. And Geez Whizzz just the diapers and the burp cloths took a seat!!!! And they are taking up a seat.

We are seeing forward to this sooooo much!!!!! Yippeeee its Friday!!! My favourite day!!

a normal day???

How does a typical day in the twin-house looks like...

I know we are in sort of a routine, but for me and luv that are not your normal-routine-like-people-actually-there-is-zero-routine it is very much routiny!!

First morning get up is anything from 6 to 8. I am very lucky if it’s early enough before Luv went to work, because then he can help me with the feed!! I will quickly jump through the shower otherwise I will be stuck in my PJ’s for the day.

Then I will quickly make the beds and sort out all the scattered stuff of the night. Then I will bring them down stairs and put them down for  a nap( just if I am lucky!!) If I am lucky I will start sterilizing all the bottles of the day ( this take a while) and get all my STATIONS ( will tell you later) ready for  the day. This is my saving grace if my stations are not ready for the day....my whole life turn to a dark night!!

If they let me more sleepy time I will do the washing and ironing and cleaning, but if they not letting me this time the rest of the day is chaos, then its feeding, changing diapers, do the burping, trying making them to sleep, try to calm them down, try to do some stimulating exercising ect.

Some time I’ve got time to make lunch other than that its coffee and rusks for lunch ( little secret...its most of the time coffee and rusks. Luv will get back to work and the baby-rituals begin all over again. If  I am lucky they will sleep and I got time for my emails. Sometimes if the weather permitted we will go for a walk in their pram which they just love!!!!!

16h40!!!! Best time of the day!!!! Luv arrived from work!!!! And then I got an extra pair of arms!!!! We will have a coffee( yes I am a coffee-junkie) or we will go out for one( love the  new scenery for the day)  or we will go out for a walk with them.

Then its the normal feeding-changing-burping ritual and then anytime from 22h00 to 23h00 we will bath them.... i know its late but it work for us. The normal 18h00 is just too early for mom and dad.

Then they will go to bed and we will go and sleep or sometimes 24h00 is the best time to hang the washing!! Luckily they will only wake once in the night. The night they are super!!

And then the 6h00 cycles start all over again!!

Some day are super calm and other days are super hectic!!!

sleepless weekends zzzzzz

Why are weekends so short?? Its the only time I have two pair of extra hands to help....

And today Nika rock us!!!! She just don’t want to sleep. Okay its a family thing, no one likes to sleep, their mommy too, but now some days I will love so a bid of extra  sleeping time.

So today she did not sleep from this morning 10 o clock till tonight 21h00. She has only sleep while we went to buy the newspaper with the stroller and that was half an hour!

We were so busy with them today and luv has already gone to bed, and I have discovered the paper only now and its 23h00 at night. I am tired but this quick peace time to read is golden....

... and the twins are getting bigger and bigger and I still love every second of them. I have a totally new life now and old life... whats that???? Whats sleep???? Whats clean clothes???? Whats you own time????

They are not so skinny anymore!!

The 2 that rule the house!!

Sorry I have been not with you lately, but the 2 keep me busy, now. They don't like sleep so much..ZZZZ. They want to have attention all the day till late night!!! some days they are out of it and others like today they are more calm. So today I need to do all the washing that have been piling up to the roof!

2months!

The twins are 2 months old today!!!! They are like full-grown-full-tern-babies now. Where did the time go...... 2 months of super joy!!!! And still time is passing to quickly, we are enjoying them sooo much, and I just adore this baby-stage.

I will take a 2 month foodie later today and post it.

This weekend we went out with the twins for breakfast twice, they just love an “outing” !! and if they knew their parents they must get use to a” pick-up-and-go-life-style” and we went to friends for a braai on Saturday night. And the best they behave like 2 angles.

Weekends are bliss with Luv here. Its so nice to have an extra pair of hands. But when we hit Mondays.... the twins have a conspiracy against me.

Then they make me run for my life!!! There is always one awake, leaving me too not get to all the things that need to be done.  I think if you put a camera in my house you will sit the whole day and watch and laugh your ass off for the comedy, thats playing off. They don’t like to be on the same place the whole time so they are scattered all over my house, because now they like it in their pram and then on the kitchen table, then to the couch and then to their bed.

If I feed the one the other one will look me straight in the eye and........PUKE!!!! then I need to put the one down , pick up the other one, clean-up....and then the other one will start to POO!!!! Then I need to put the puking-one down and pick up the poo-one ( the poo-one like to see how far he can test- poo-the-diaper-brand)

When the phone ring, and I am so glad to just have a chat...I pick them both up plus their dummies and run for the phone. If I dare leave then they will just start to complain and I will need to end my call. SO if you phone me it will probably be all 3 of us answering the phone.

And the newest twin-trick...I think they love each other dearly, but in the week when it’s just mommy at home. They want all off mommy’s attention JUST FOR THEMSELF!!!!! So I may  only have one sitting with me, not both!!! If I pick up one, that don’t want to sleep( the other one is then sleeping) it will only be a few seconds then the sleepy one just know( how the hec I don’t know) and will start to complain!!!! What if they are not babies, and maybe bionic-robots....visiting earth????

...but I am enjoying every single thing about them and we laugh allot!!

Nika is gunning Wium most of the time , but last night in the bath....( they are lying on their bath-grips) WIum was peeing  with an arch into his little sister’s head!!!. SO Sus you need to look out,,, the game is on!!!

First friend's visit

One of the twin’s friend’s come to visit them on their way pass our little town. It was so nice to meet him for the first time!!

He was also a teany weany little preemie!! He weight only 840g at birth and now his is 4kg. He is also a little miracle.

We and his parents where having coffee , while the 3 of them where talking all there ICU-TALKS  .  About monitors, doctors, needles, peepers and ALL the very nice sisters that was looking after them.

Wium is listening to all of his friend stories, the stories just scare Nika all over again...

You are going to be blessed!!

Exactly a year ago I have had another miscarriage. Yes, yet another!!. I defiantly fuck up the miscarriage-statistics big time!! Me .... not a good experimental guinea pig!!!

We live in a small little town, and here is not allot of coffee shops or restaurants. But we do go often to the one for coffee. Me and Luv are coffee-junkies!

SO last yea,r more around this time, after a coffee. One of the girls that waiter there, call me back and tell me.

...YOU ARE GOING TO BE BLESSED IN ABUNDANCE!!!! She did not know we are doing Suro.

And look where we are now.... blessed with twins!!!!

All along this last year the ladies were asking how is the babies, how are your sister and when are they coming?  When the twins was still in “just-stay-indoors” I went for a take-a-way and all the girls come running to me to, congratulate me. One of them have seen it in the newspaper and tell the others...the” Mocca-Chocca’s ” twins have arrive!! ( you can just think what we always order....mocco chocca’s, and I think that is our nickname in that shop)

One day they have had a peep through the car window and last weekend we went for breakfast with them in the wraps...

Total chaos!!!! Very one even the kitchen staff wanted to see them!!!

Due date....40 weeks

Today is 40 weeks!!!! This was our official due date in the very first beginning!!

...and now the twins are 8weeks already!

In the beginning I wondered will we ever get to this, will this be it, please that this be it, please!! And now we are sitting with the 2 most gorgeous twins in the world,  in our arms .  If I look at them and I see how they just love us and want to be with us every sec. ( luckily for them their mommy have waited sooo damm long, and don’t mind sitting with them 24/7 )

I look at them and think they have come in such a special way into our life and how many life’s and hearts they have touch. They were so mend to be!!

The utter joy and contentment they have give us, up till now...I just know they are here with us because of lots of prayers and hope and love.

Wium  and Nika you are sitting your mom and dad’s heart full!!!

What a looooong day!

Friday was a very long day... we got up at 5 o’clock to feed. Me and Luv got dress and pack everything for the day. Milk supply + extra because we always got hook ups somewhere. Extra clothes, enough diapers, wraps and the pram.

On the way there is always time for a take-away-coffee. We arrive half pass 8 and need to do a feed again IN THE CAR!! We unpack everything on the dash-board, we change the diapers on our laps. ( few people we defiantly peeping at us)

Diaper change...

We put them in the wraps and off to the lady who will do the injections. Did not know what to expect...and we where surprise....an angel!!! She was so nice and babies are her passion. She did a thorough examination of the twins and then did the injection. They did not even cry allot!!! She was so caring and help me allot with questions.

Luv doing a quick feed.

Nika is weighing 3,78kg  and Wium 3,58kg. I am so proud of them doing so well and now I know we are on the right track!!

The "angel" busy with Nika

Then it was off to the pead!!! What a bummer ... she was terrible!!! Afterwards we were still in shock, how not up to it she was!! She is suppose to be the one to see if they are on track with their millstones. She did not ask anything about them. Like birth weight, age and length ect. She put Nika on the scale and said, she have a nice weight.. Duuuuud!! You don’t even know how many weeks this girlie are. Nika pee on her bed , she did not even wipe it and then next she put Wium next to the pee ( sorry they can be twins, but he is your next patient ! and you will defiantly bill him for the full!)

Nika have this neck that is bending to the back allot. Look like a spasm. It worry us abit. I did not say anything and wanted to see what see will say....she said: this girl is every strong!! Then I know, we need to hit the road!!! She will not see us ever again!!!

Right after the injections, and sleeping again ( I did not drug them)

Nika at the Chiro

Then is was off to the Chiro. I know she is good and I always don’t tell her anything to see if she can find the problem. Wium was fine, his neck a bit out, but fine. Nika....have problems!! With her neck, a nerve is pinching and so her neck is in spasm ( the chiro could see this, I could see this, but pead???? NO!!) the neck is  better and she need a check-up again. And today they are not suffering with winds so much!! Chiro do babies so good!!.

Then we where off the do shopping and we met up with my brother next to the road at a gas station. They have not see the twins!!

Wium just enjoying his ajustment.

We got back home at 8 o’clock the night.... and what did the twins do the whole day????

THEY SLEEP.....ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

It was a utter bliss with them, they just love an outing!!!

Vaccinations

First outing with the pram!!! ( Can you spot the one that take the photo??)

We need to take off early tomorrow morning, its a 1h20  to get to the town and then 9 o’clock it’s the injections and 10 o’clock it’s the Pead visit ( its a new one) then its feeding time somewhere in the car and them its chiropractor-time.  I know this every good chiro and she love working with babies . With my last visit in August I was telling her the twins will be coming.

Then its stocking-up time with milk and diapers and groceries. After that I am as you all could see on the foodies...am in desperate need of a hair cut.

I hope my babies will love their outing.

I've got a P.A.

I still dont have anyone helping me out at home( you will be surprize what I have achieve in the last few day) or a night nurse.

...but I have a new P.A. helping me to blog... her name is NIKA

Best diet ever.... twins!

I know all of you wonder about what’s going on in Suro-sus life??? Can tell you she is not busy with a new suro-project and she is not open for any new suro-attempts. Sorry you all!! She just did it for lucky me!

When she was still preggo’s with the twins, her oldest daughter was telling her one night. Mommy when the babies is out you can lay down in a bath full of bubbles, on your back and then you will say “ this is the life! “

Suro-sus is enjoying her newly-back-on-track-life-till-the-fullest!! She got her own life back!! And she can play with her kids and pick them up. And we have a new life, thanx to sus!!

She was amazing is so many words. She hates it to be pregnant, but still did it.

She have only pick up 4kg the whole pregnancy ( i still remember after the 6 week scan, she was asking how am I going to look with twins on the end? And it turn out...she look awesomely good!!!!!

She picks up 4kg and the twins weigh 4kg at birth!!! You go girl!!! And with twins its all the extra blood and inside stuff. She loose her own body fat during the pregnancy. ( It look like I was pregnant one)

So now 7 weeks after the twins birth, Suro-sus is weighing 10 kg less!!! She look amazing!! She is in the clouds!! It was her best diet ever!!! People that did not see her during the pregnancy is asking What did you do!! To look this good and all she answer is..... I was having twins!!!

weekends

This was on Friday morning, looking around...

I think I am addicted!!!! To my babies!!

I can not leave them for a second!! I am just so in love with them!!! And weekends are the best then Luv is with us the whole time.The twins are being more and more awake during the days!! And Nika at night.  They are 7 weeks this week and they start being more like babies everyday.,

They want to be  near us the whole time and I know  I am making a big mistakes, but you know I don’t care and want to have them on me the whole time. After al,l I did  wait 10 years for this.

They don’t cry, just  even they hungry and when we undress them for bath time otherwise they quiet . They love it when I sing to them “OUR” special song.

This weekend we went for our first outing to a restaurant!! Likely there were not much people there. I am a bit anti-germy!!

This was how I did some clean up at home this weekend!! With Nika, she just love to clean the house.

After a very tiring weekend!!

Family rocks the house

 I am not sure what happen....our whole house is still in bomb –shock!!! Something hit us??? What????

...my family!!!  

My aunt is down here to see her sick mother ( she is also a grandma of the twins) and she come down to see her new grandchildren, and with her my mother ( also a grandma) and the twins “tummy-aunty” plus her kids. As you all can make the sums...they fill-up the car with family and visit us. I do have a family that is scared they will loose out.

After 5 minutes with the kids over excited to see their new family-little-friends, everyone talking and laughing and camera lights flashing, I could see the twins are rock!!!

The rebel Nika just sleep ( I think  that was a cover... only pretending) and Wium sitting with eyes so big, look like he have just step on a landmine. This was the first meeting with the family, and I can only say, good luck kids this is just the beginning!!!

Suro-sus was so surprise to see how BIG they have grown!! She was the one that saw them the most in ICU. 

Now the fam have left, and the twins cannot believe the utter peace of silence... as the song go...

SILENCE IS GOLDEN!!!

They just love there new dolls!!

Suro-sus with the twins!! Can not believe they where in her.

Granny!! Look at the smile!!

The twins were very privileged, they were listen to the sounds of Mozart and Beethoven while we bath them

and another Granny with Nika

Zzzzzzzz

This is when they get fed-up for their bed! I think they want to hit the road!!!

Nika and Wium

Let me tell you more about my 2 little angels at home. They are twins, this is just here where all the differences start.They are a boy and a girl. With so different everything it’s unbelievable!!!

We spot the different personalities from when we saw them first. In ICU it was visible already!!

Nika was the slightly bigger one at birth. She came out with dark hair on her head and she was the taller one ( only with a cm) She look more like Luv, the hands and feet, but my personality and my round shape face.

When she was still inside, one day Suro-sus told me the following...the one that is on my left side, NEVER GOES TO SLEEP!!!!! This one is ALWAYS awake!!. We could not wait till birth to see what’s going to pop that don’t want to sleep....it was NIKA!!! Surprize!!

Nika is hyper!!! Not a shock at all because most of my family are hyper!!! When she is awake, everything move the whole time, she can already lift up her head and move it from side to side....she is curious off whats around her.. as I type this she is awake in the wrap , she is wake for most of this day....

She is always hungry ( just like me) and she want to eat anything, the burp cloth is very scare  of her.She just love her purple dummy. When we feed her she spills and burps,  not a lady-like-drinker.

When we put them together for their sleep, she is always punching Wium and kicking him. I will soon start to separate them if she don’t stop to be a bully!!. She is pissing him off.

Wium have a  oval shape face like Luv, but he have my hands and feet and Luv’s personality. He is a sweetie with good manners. He have light hair and are always sitting and just staring. He is not all over the place like madam.  He sleeps well and if he drinks his milk and its finish he closes his lips and we can wipe it. He is my good manner –boy. He don’t like his dummy allot.

One thing in common, they both hate POOOOO in their diaper-pants!!

I think they love each other hopefully, because we adore them!!!!

We just love to explore every day, their new wiggles and twitches!!

Decent little Wium

The wild girl Nika ( yes she wanted to eat the flower, it was in her mouth)

38 weeks

Time is flying so quickly and my babies are getting bigger and bigger. Nika is weighing 3,1kg
and Wium 3kg and they are only 6 weeks old! ( 38 weeks). One little secret I just adore small little babies and now mine are babies, big babies. And every day I stare at them I can see the huge changes. Where are my tiny little babies??? This is why I cherish every single second of them, because before I blink my eyes they will be BIG... O Gosh!!! And I want be a mommy forever!!

I can not complain about them at all, they do not cry ( just when you take off their clothes to bath and when we are not on the dot with their bottles, then they start to complain.) but otherwise they are champion babies. We are still sitting on the edge and wait for this to change. But time will tell I suppose.

This weekend we put on some curtain rails and I was Luv handyman and I just pop the twins in the wraps and they sleep though all the work that need to be done.

We are starting to stretch their feeding routine. This will took a while to adept to this robot-twin-routine.

Because the twins was born on 32 weeks , they told us to not have sick people near them till 40 weeks and that people dont pick then up and NO kids, because kids have all the child-germs. Now we are on 38 weeks! WOw!! so near to start to hit the road.

..
My grandma she is 90 could not wait to meet the twins, and on our way home we stop, so that see can see them. Everybody was waiting sooo long for this special babies. She is now very sick...

Cracks???? where??

Nika sitting snug and safe...

Yesterday I was alone for the first time the 9 o’clock feeding – I was facing my first challenge ( I love a challenge) to handle the twins all on my one. I need to get the hang of it because Luv is going to work on Friday.

I wake Nika.  Feed her and burp her and then it was Wium’s turn. This all happen in 30 min. They are really sputnik’s!! I was feeling on top of the world.

..but I am scared, because I know that  sooner or later the cracks will show in my little angles, wings...

The sit-and-watch-twin-holiday is also about the get to an end....after all, there is a world out there! Yesterday we have started to do home-stuff. Doing washing and bottles, plant some plants in the garden and do some bottles, and iron and do some bottles, and Luv need to eat and I have to do the bottles.

Luckily we have bought this wonderful wraps www.ubbabubba.co.za  so now when the one is awake I just pop her or him in and go on with normal stuff. And they just love to be in the wrap. The wraps have defiantly give me extra set of arms!!.

With the 3 o’clock feeding at night we are now going to make turns so that the other one can sleep through. It was my turn and all went well.( Have to confess , Luv wake me I did not hear the alarm clock. I am BAD with alarms!!)

...but this moring , Luv went out and I was alone, not a problem at all.  But then an hour before the feed, the twin’s wings scatter in million pieces!!

They scream together!!!! On top of their voices ( did not know they have voices) now I know.

I turn into overdrive and change diapers in seconds and put them up against  the cushions ( thanx goodness it’s not in the ICU-Chair anymore) and feed them together till they calm and after that I took one at a time....and the wings jump on back....

They are sleeping right now...Z zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.... let sleeping dogs sleep...

37 weeks and still kicking.

My baby-sitter in action...

I cannot believe we have been home for over a week now, just being inside our home the whole time and ENJOYING these 2 miracles. I think it will take a while to realize it’s ours forever!! After all these years with Zero Guarantees, it’s FINAL!!! that we are parents and that’s a GUARANTEE!! At freaking last!

With every feeding me and Luv change and feed the other one, and very second time you get the same one, you cannot believe the change, they getting bigger as we speak! And a little secret, I LOVE small babies, I just adore them. My premmies are not prem anymore....the weigh 2,8kg. Must be all the love they get  that’s making them grow so much.

They are acting more and more like babies. If we wake them for their feeding and they realize its MILKY-TIME they go mad... and they attract their bottles like a shark its bait. I am scared of my fingers. And we will defiantly need too  buy to  more burp-clothes because if that’s in the way they start to nipple on that as well.

Most of the time they sleep, but the hyperactive Nika ( suro-sus spot that in the womb already)  wants more attention and like to listen to us open-eyed.

They are only 37 weeks today and they hate having poo in the diapers. If they start to wiggle we just know.....change the diaper or Nika’s hat is over her eyes.

I can just look at LUV, its not a surprise for me , but he is just enjoying his kids soooo much. If you can see him now you will think soon he will open a baby-crèche.

I don’t have somebody helping me at home and between everything I still got time for washing, ironing and believe it....after a year there was time for me to get my ass on the treadmill, and it felt great!

Yesterday somebody was telling me they are going to try another IVF, because I have given them hope. And it feels great to be, some hope for women out there.

If you are still on the IF journey, my heart goes out to you. I hope with all in me that you will read my story and can take a bit of it, if its a small piece of hope to get glued too. Its a not easy road to be one...HUGS xxxxxx

Waiting for their bottle ( me having a BAD hair day)

On their way to have a bath

One Month!!!

The twins are ONE month!!! and it feel like one day!!!

Snuza

To see my babies make every tear and needle worth it!!

They are soooo sweet and loved! And we are so relax....more than I would ever think!!

You remember a few months ago, the story about paranoid me!! So I bought the sound and movement monitor, all the times I watch over Suro-sus kids I was PARANOID, for them to stop breathing!! Its a HUGE thing for me. So if I have to watch I will sit up the whole night, with my hand on their chests or with a finger under their nose, or lights flashing on them to see if they still breathe. At the end of the night they have had a wonderful night and me.....totally exhausted and so glad to see that the sun is shining.

In the hospital I was fine!! Because they were double check all the time with heart rate and breathing monitors. Funny on Friday when the sister was busy to disconnect the beepers ( I did not see it) the next moment I was aware of not hearing the beeping. I turn around and ask did they stop to breathe??? NO, they your babies now and will be fine.

SO when they arrive home we put on their SNUZAS ( its a movement monitor) and wonder if this gadget work?? And yes it work!!! Its the best gadget ever!! You just clip onto their diapers and the moment nothing move after 10 sec it buzz to wake the baby, if not after another 10 sec the alarm will go off!  Mommy go and get yourself one!! Snuza have kill my paranoia .

The first night at about 4 o’clock it went off, baby still fine just the Snuza that have move abit after babies wiggling. From then on we know it work so when we hit the pillow....we....sleep....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

1st night home!

SO what happen the first day home...

We did not know what to expect..how will it be with twins, and YES everyone is telling how drama and suffering is about to knock on your door. Me and Luv was so ready for that.

The  sisters at hospital were amazing, and was telling as to just keep to the routine. As you know ROUTINE is the one thing me and Luv don’t have in our life at all. We life the moment...

We get home at six o’clock and start to feed immediately. After that we unpack everything. To unpack my suitcase after months was the best ever!!! And to just be at home...

This is what happens the next few hours.

Feeding times is 6-9-12-3-6-9. Every 3 hours.

15 minutes before the hour, I walk and put the kettle on to warm the bottles and I make the bottles. In that 15 minutes Luv, wake the twins, change their diapers ( he is doing so good , don’t look like a new-dad, he look like an baby-expert)

I get the bottles, and the burp clothes, each of us take the twins and start to feed. This take about 15 ( Wium is a quickie) to 25 minutes( Nika is the snail) to finish their bottles and to get them burp. I am actually scared to brag about it, because babies can disappoint their parents the moment you brag with them. So as you can see half an hour after we start on the hour. WE ARE FINISHED!!!! We did not think this will happen. Then they go to sleep again and sleep till the next feeding. SO the first night we got SEVEN HOURS SLEEP.

And this is what happen the next 3 nights also. I think the twins are just as glad we all home now!!

Wium and Nika have ring-side-seats for the World cup final!! and dad is enjoying every single second of it.

HOME after 24 days!!!

Sorry for the bad updates but I was in hospital most of my 24 days and not at a PC, but from now on you all will get more updates, because after a whole year of never being at home  most of the time....I CAN FINALLY SAY...I AM BACK!!!! THE FAMILY ARE COMPLETED

The hospital would not discharge me if the twins could not finish all of their bottles of the day and pick up weight, and then they went on a strike and don’t drink ( they are so tiny and get tired easily)  so they get the rest of their milk through their nose tubes...and if they finish that I need to room-in with them to see if I can cope!!! ( COPE is the last thing on my mind...I will cope because I want my babies!!!

So it looks like Saturday will be the due date to leave. So Friday morning Luv took the bus down here ( so he can drive us all back home) I was driving to the hospital and was so fed-up for the hospital, the artificial air in the room and I was missing home...big time!!!

Opposite the hospital there are a very nice grocer , I bought a sandwich and sit there and think this is getting to much now!! I finish eating and went to the twin’s room. There the doctor  was and she said...they fine you can go home!!! WHAT!!!!! And the rooming in??? If you want to, otherwise go home!! I START CRYING!! AND IT NEVER STOPS THE WHOLE DAY!!

It was the best news ever!!! And for the first time everything felt real!!, because in hospital it feel like  the twins belong to ICU. And NOW after all they mine, I can take them home!!!

So then I call Luv on the bus tell him you must get your ass down here, he will just arrived and them we need to go. I went to fetch their car-chairs ( very weird feeling to went back in hospital with that). I dress the twins in their own clothes. Put them in their own blankets. Pack all their belongings and cry. I cry because this is final!!! I cry because I need to say good bye to new friends!! Which I will miss so much. I cry because of this miracle-journey that has end...I cry because I am so happy!! To be a family!! I cry because I miss Luv so much the past year!! I JUST CRY!!!! And look terrible!!

Suro-sus also bring her kids to say goodbye!! It was the first time they saw them. They think Nika and Wium are just sooo tiny!!

The bus drop Luv in front of the hospital, It feel like from then on we just grap our precious cargo and GO!!!

It was a very happy and very sad day!! All the sisters come and say goodbye!! They where angels to my babies! They love my babies so much!!!

Luv took the two very special babies! And start walking and very one was just saying goodbye as we past, for the sisters, the receptions the kiosk-girlies, the kitchen staff, all were saying goodbye ...and I cried!!!The one was saying ...NOW our days will not be the same anymore!!, this was so touching!!!. For 24 days!!!!! I was getting so much love from the hospital people and all of my friends nearby!! Thanx you all!! I will miss you all.

We get the babies and drove to my parenst home, make a pit stop to feed ( and to show my grandmother of 90 the twins) and get in the car and went straight home just in time for the next feed!

Will tell you more of the first night at home.

...SO AFTER 10 AND A HALF YEARS...THERE are BABIES IN OUR HOUSE!! This is very special!!

The twins ready are waiting for Luv to come and fetch them

The hospital-angels say good bye!!

I am the cry-baby!!

A very proud father!!!

We are leaving the hospital!!! finaly!!

bottles...

The twins do not finish their bottles with every feed ,so now we can not go home so till then we have to stay!!

I will tell you more when I am home again... maybe soon!!

20 day in ICU

Today its 20 days in here!!  What a place to be!! and I cannot believe how the time fly and all the time I have spend in here. The 2 are doing great!! and it sound as if we can start to pack our bags... to leave soon.

We are 35 weeks today and we can leave at 36 weeks. and the prems are ahead of  where they need to be.

I would love to go finally!! I feel like a snail with my house on my back( my car) to unpack everything will be the best!!! and Luv are going to stay at home for the first 2 weeks! Wowwwwww

35 weeks!

I have not much news right now, we  are sitting at the hospital most of the day. It was nice to see our babies after the 2 days we where at home. Gosh they are so cute!!! and getting bigger by the day. She weigh 2,48kg and he 2,38kg. They are starting to  drink their bottles. she is doing great and he is a bit of a lazy bee. They get tired.

They did a hearing test and  got a head scan, all is fine. Now they just need to get their feedings under control and then we are off to home.

Look like we can go home maybe this week!!! it will feel funny to go home at last after months.

For me it feels like I am so part of the hospital, I know from the security gard to the kitchen people to most of the staff. I have made so many friends, which I will dearly miss.

Lots of my friends have come to visit and this is nice breaks from the ICU. Tomorrow will be 35 weeks.  If I see my babies and look at them and just think what I have get from them this past weeks, I can not think that they still was suppose to be in-side. They perfect little babies! and some people I know drink wine while they 35 weeks pregnant. How the hec can you do that to your baby????? you must be brainless...

Missing my babies

This is where I am now....at home sweet home...for the last time alone...

I have been sitting my time-up in ICU in a space that is the size of 1x1,5m for 2 weeks flat!!  I don’t like small spaces but I did it. Because of my babies. Time have fly so quickly. I can sit with my babies the whole day for hours and I just love it!! I am still in  amaze med-shock!!  It still unbelievable to be a mommy.

Nika is weighing 2,36kg and Wium 2,22kg. They are doing brilliantly good!! For premmies! I think they slip out at night and go for a steak in town, thats why the weight are picking up. And the kangarooing is what they love.

They are on full feeding 41 ml and they have start with the bottles and what don’t go in they still get top-up with their feeding tube. I think they are so fed-up with that tube in their nose, Nika pull hers out today.

Wium have been getting so many needles in him, when just somebody touches his legs or arms, he start to cry, shame my poor boy. Soon we will take you home to peace and no doctors near.

How long we will stay??? Me guess is as good as yours!

Everyone tells me to get a break and go home, how do you leave your kids?? SO yesterday I went home( after tossing and turing the whole night...) and just get all the washing and pack a new going-home-bag , because my the 2 dont fit in to tiny-baby stuff they are to long. Tomorrow I will go down with Luv can not wait to see them today.

I thought I won’t  cry when I tell them I am going to leave then for a day. I said goodbye and then they open their eyes! And I start crying....all the way out and everyone seeing me  tap me on the shoulder( by now  everyone in the hospital knows mel)

We phone a few times to get reports on our babies. They sleep well....everything is going good....they drink nicely...they poo ect.

I think the time is near to take them home....we can not wait!!!