Dec 15, 2011

I need to get my whole me into this new time, Xmas time!!! I am not use to it?? It feels weird!

Xmas time is family time!! Its a time where very body is happy and full of smiles, families gathering together after a year of not seeing each other. Children love the whole we-believe-in-Xmas father-and his-gang!! Its lights and food and some places snow and fun. Most people are seeing forward to this the whole year!!!

BUT WHAT don’t have  kids, if you are a family of 2 adults???

Then this is the worst time of your life, if you not in it, don’t even open up your month!! Its a don’t go zone!!! And that is where we have been the last 10 years.

I just hated Charismas time!!!!Its SHIT! You feel so alone... you hate the malls where all the shopping took place, and to go to the family gathering break your heart!!! Very year somebody new have a baby it just never ever stop. You have to sit there watching every one O so happy, you need to laugh , but you actually want to cry!! You sit there like ET in the desert... you don’t belong there!!! Because you don’t have kids!! My family always makes us feel welcome and try to make us part ( but it still was hard) and Luv’s family did not once ever took us in consideration.( because we did not have kids)

So the last few years, I did not put a tree in my house.... no lights!!! Because it was so dam fucking sore!! I hate presents!! Some where in the last pass years we ship a family-do –or –two. Once we went skiing, it was wonderful, but still sore .The White Xmas help abit.!!!it was better than the family do, and the  year after I lost my twins there was not a change in hell I could drag myself to Xmas. Me and luv was floating between here and there!!. We stayed in friend caravan while they went to their family-do. That was when we went on Xmas eve to a bar!!! Very body that was in the bar was people that have had sore and not belonging to a chrismas-family. Its was one of the nights we will never ever forget !!! We have met the most interesting people and stories!! Funny was the bar lady decorated all the booz-botlles with xmas trimmings and lights... have you ever!!! And they played all the xmas songs and wanted us to sing along. Geewhilzz me and luv have had such a memorial night!! And now I know what lonely people do, we where one of them, then!!

And now I need to erase 10 years of heartache and tried to get hold of my Chrismas tree and see if the lights even work. Me and Luv are starting our first family xmas with the twins and we are so seeing forward to it!!

Thanx to my little angel sister xxxxxx

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