Feb 2, 2011

I am off the wall!

This last month of my infertile journey  is about to start, within 4 weeks from now I will start with the injections I now  for years, it’s not new to me.  I am not scared for the side effects, because I have had then all on different cycles, it’s the only thing I cannot predicted, will it be headaches, nausea, tiredness, sore joints, will I be bloated this time??
I am not scared for the doctors, sisters or even the tea girl, because I know then so well. I am not scared for the theatre or the anaesthesia, because in my life I have been to theatres  so many times.

The only thing I am scared of is my emotions… and all the years, this was the one thing I was in control off. But because this is the last try my emotions is off the wall. My tears are not hiding  . I have do blink my eyes like someone with a nervy condition, because I WANT TO CRY EVERY SINGLE SECOND!!
Yesterday I went with Luv’s to the blood donations and the moment I enter the hall, I wanted burst out in tears!! It was so bad and when I saw the women in uniform and the needles it was all the emotions just coming on to me…I was near cracking!! I t was only then when I realize  the last IVF is going to kill me. I think this time will be very teary and damm emotional.

I also  trying to get my head around to know what to do after this one. So at this moment things are flying like spaceships in my head, its like a madhouse…

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