Today I have discovered something, or must I say ,I realise a change in my life, or did something just disappear… ????
I was driving today and most of the time I am driving for a long time on the open road, its me-time. It’s the time where I made decisions; it was along these driving roads where I sorted out my life. It was the time I deal with everything in my life.
Sometimes , and that was most of the time I was feeling sorry for myself. Or I was furious for the INFERTILY-WORD and what effect it have had on my life and all the time it condamm all my future plans. It was like a chain and ball around my ankle, which hold me back from everything.
It was on these drives where I have boosted myself to, just take one- more- try!!! Which turn out to be another disaster .
And with all the failures, it was on the drives , I cried my lungs out. Ball my eyes out of their sockets. And it was on these trips I was feeling so heart-sore. I have had this terrible sore, deep down heart-ache. It feels like a part of my heart was damage and injured. Gossss …it was so sore. You get used to it and wish it will disappear, but NO IT IS JUST ALWAYS THERE….( it must be where the word comes from, your heart ache, because it really feels like your heart is aching , its SORE!!!)Damm!!
And then today I was driving and I was thinking about all the things that is happening in my life right now, and suddenly I notice…that the sore, that was part of my life is… gone!!!!!
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT’S GONE!!! That 10 year long heart ache is gone, and in its place there is this tiny-growing-day-by-day spot of happiness…excitement…thanx…gratefulness!!! And I know at the end it will be a ball of fire that will just keep on burning inside me and will explode and that will happen the day I will hold the most precious gift of life ….my twins!!!!