We are off to visit our kids-to-be

Monday its scanning time!! Jippee then we can see our little miracles again. This is defiantly the high-light of the pregnancy. Just so see them. They are so cute for me now can you think if I saw them for the first time…

We are wondering more and more about…How will they look???? What will it be??? Blues??? Pinks????? Or Mixs?????? When will they come???? How will it feel to hold them for the first time?? Are we organize for them( I suppose NO!!) we are like “hens-with-out-heads” we don’t know what we suppose to do???

And the lists….. nothing is tick-off. But on Monday I think we will start to get our ass in to gear and start buying things.

Roll on Monday!!!

My heart is starting to heal...

Today I have discovered something, or must I say ,I realise a change in my life, or did something just disappear… ????

I was driving today and most of the time I am driving for a long time on the open road, its me-time. It’s the time where I made decisions; it was along these driving roads where I sorted out my life. It was the time I deal with everything in my life.

Sometimes , and that was most of the time I was feeling sorry for myself. Or I was furious for the INFERTILY-WORD and what effect it have had on my life and all the time it condamm all my future plans. It was like a chain and ball around my ankle, which hold me back from everything. 

It was on these drives where I have boosted myself to, just take one- more- try!!! Which turn out to be another disaster .

And with all the failures, it was on the drives , I cried my lungs out. Ball my eyes out of their sockets. And it was on these trips I was feeling so heart-sore. I have had this terrible sore, deep down heart-ache. It feels like a part of my heart was damage and injured. Gossss …it was so sore. You get used to it and wish it will disappear, but NO IT IS JUST ALWAYS THERE….( it must be where the word comes from, your heart ache, because it really feels like your heart is aching , its SORE!!!)Damm!!

And then today I was driving and I was thinking about all the things that is happening in my life right now, and suddenly I notice…that the sore, that was part of my life is… gone!!!!!

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT’S GONE!!! That 10 year long heart ache is gone, and in its place there is this tiny-growing-day-by-day spot of happiness…excitement…thanx…gratefulness!!! And I know at the end it will be a ball of fire that will just keep on burning inside me and will explode and that will happen the day I will hold the most precious gift of life ….my twins!!!!

The Nursery!!

Can you believe!!!! A baby room in our house!!!

Weekends

What a nice weekend!! We were at home this weekend. And me and luv are very good on not having anything planned… and then ended up doing so much nice stuff. So this weekend was one of those weekends. Visiting friends, chatting here and there and attend birthday parties and went out for coffee’s and lunches!! Mmmmmmmmm

Today was cold and rainy so the fire is burning in the fireplace and we are watching movies. Its always sad if the weekends are nearly finished!! Tomorrow friends from England are visiting us and we are seeing forward to it a lot!!! Just to do a bit of catching up!

Tomorrow we are 23 weeks!!!! And suro-sus are doing well, thanx for that and next week its scanning time- seeing forward to that to have a peep at our precious babies again and I want to feel them kick again.

I am nearly finish with the room still one thing to put up and them you can have the preview!!!( it will be this week- just hang on)

If I look at the baby clothes we have received, I cannot wait to see them in it!!!

She is not doing it for the money, she is my sister!!

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

A lot of people, when they found out what suro-sus are  doing for us they ask her….So much to do they pay you?? Or  this is nice , so now they do everything for you??? Or, so now you get treat the whole time!! But the big issue still is the money!

This past weekend my Mother in law ( the one that was saying 7 years ago, she will only turn up at our house if we dont have kids-and she stand with that till NOW! The only one of everybody who wants a boy, yes she is knitting blue!! Guess what no family names…) was saying she is so thankful for suro-sus, because she is doing ALL of us a favour!!

I was so piss-off – Suro-sus is not doing ALL OF US A FAVOUR!!! She is doing something so special and so wonderful for ME AND LUV, because she loves us and she wants us to be parents!! She is doing this out of her heart. She and her family are offering up a lot of things for us ,to have babies. She is doing it because she wants to. Not for money and not for someone to have a grandson!

With this whole suro-do I have seen that there are not a lot of people that want to do anything for someone, or they think you need to get something if you do something.

Yes we do paid for stuff, this must to cost suro-sus money, she is already offering up her body, party-time, and quality family time ( she cannot run after her kids or go climb trees)

And we do try to do nice stuff for her, but we don’t pay her $$$$$$$$$$$$ of millions. After all of these years of IF our bank balance have been ripped!!! And now the twins are coming. So its is not like the moment the babies arrive- we are bring in one of that large, big , cheque’s…

But  one day a surprize can come up their way, who knows???

Painting ...tick off!!

Its so nice to be at home, and I have so much to do. The big thing is I need to move my ass and get all my stuff in place before the babies arrive.

The last 2 days I was doing a lot of painting work. So when I got up in the morning I jump into my rags and start to paint. I love paint, it is just now that I don’t really have time and it’s in on my to do list.

The nursery is nearly finish-soon you will see the pic’s!!  I like it !!!its not a baby room just a colourful room ( I love colour).

I paint the walls, I paint the wooden window’s that was due and all the other stuff that’s on the yearly touch-up list and the re-vamp list. And now I am up to here… for paint and brushes and paint in my hair. But the satisfaction to see what’s done…..wonderful!!!

Tomorrow it’s the garden’s turn and then I will start with all the lists. The what I need….The what I need to found…. The what I need to buy….The what I need to organize.

Suro-sus is doing fine!! I will see her soon again….gosh I am seeing forward to meet my babies!!!!

It feel weird to tell you this...but I have start to wash some baby stuff....baby clothes on the wire....in our garden...the whole day I was scared someone will peep over the fench and laugh!!!

Stork Tea!!!

Last Thursday I have had a surprise-stork-party!! If I think of it , it still rock my socks!!

All of these years I never attend any stork-parties, because I HATE them!! I hate it because at storks the girlie-talk is JUST ABOUT BABIES!!!! And it breaks your heart to see all the nice baby stuff and to keep a straight face. It’s such a sad place to be…longing for a precious baby too.

So the moment I open the door and the whole room was full of friends with hats on.( a lot of time I have something on my head) I was near fainting. I was in shock…and I start crying. ( I don’t even have pregnancy hormones in me, but emotional I and really fuck!)It was just so unbelievable to be at my own stork.

Opening the prezzies was scary to see all the baby stuff and at one time I was thinking why is there 2 of each in every single thing I open. This is how disorientated was. Afterwards I did not reminder what I have got.

It was so special for me, everyone have done so much effort and just for me. I have wonderful friends!! Thanx all of you!! I don’t think you will ever know what this have meant to me.

When Luv come and fetch me he first just want o peek in to the bags. We take everything to the BABYROOM, it feel every weird, our house have a baby room… and then we unpack everything and just look at it for some time. We have received wonderful stuff!!!

Can you believe, I was having a stork-party!!!

I am a real "cry baby"!!

Still Crying!!!!!!

The last 2 days was so full of baby-stuff it’s still unreal!

My fathers have made me the 2 most cute baby cots!! He is very proud of his hand-work and I think it was special for him to have had it for me. So he and my mom drive through and bring it to us. The moment we put that in the room …..IT FEELS REAL!!! And unbelievable!!

That night me and luv sat on the bed ( half past one in the night)in the room and just look at it, because never in my wildest dreams did we ever think that we will someday have cots in our house. It was a dream of which we lock the door long time ago. Now all of this Is happening.

What I can tell you all is….LUV is so super exciting!! And he now just wants to get the room finish.  He loves unpacking the baby stuff and making up the beds!!

And yesterday night…all of my friends in town, through me a STORK!!! A STORK!!!

All of these years the one thing I HATE was STORKTEA’S  ….do you know how strange that feel??? Most of time I am thinking….AM I PLAYING IN a REAL-LIFE-MOVIE????? Is this just a dream???but I will tell you more later when I got pic’c to show!!!

A very proud Grandpa to be!!!!

Scan pic's

The 2 most special babies on earth

Baby no.2

Baby no. 1

Look at that nice legs!!!

This one is fast asleep!!!! Zzzzzzzzzzz

AT HOME AGAIN and it's so nice!

Eventually I am back at home!! And man, this is so nice!!! And since I have left home last week so many things happen.

Firstly I went to my parents and look after the kids.  We played our lungs out. Today when we quickly stop on the farm for a pit stop on our way home, my brother’s son jump out when we stop screaming at me to come… because must go built a house!!!! Look like I am his new playmate!

Sus kids was so pleased to see their mom and dad!! And then the scan…

Wow it was great!!! I cannot stop looking at them…and when the girl put the scan on 4D and we saw the one sleeping, I just could not keep the tears for running down my cheeks,  anymore. It’s unbelievable!!! Super amazing, I am soooo bless!!!  Its still a fairytale… Me and luv was looking at the DVD Sunday again just before we go to bed.

And Friday after the scan… guess what LUV feel the babies kick!!!! I was so pissed!! I know how the father must feel now, because the pregnant wife feels everything first.

Saturday me and Luv went to a day spa…absolute heaven!!! Because we are not going away for holiday this year and just to have US-TIME,  and because spa treats will not be on the list for the next 2 years we went for this nice treat!! We will miss this, but the twins will be must nicer to have!!

Shopping ???? I think we more or less know what we want now. Maybe it’s a good idea to start to buy the stuff.

Suro-sus bump are getting bigger by the day. And I am jealous ( I wish it was my bump)

And the best…just before we pack and go  I feel them kick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My heart was jumping out of my chest. It was the best feeling ever. I wish I can sit with my hands on her bump the whole day( but  I think she will flip!)

Sitting in ou newly built house..

Sus lying down for the scan, me crying in the corner...

Sus-kids are feelings the babies!

At the spa, Table Mountain at the back

20 week scan

This morning scan, was so amazing just to see our little one's again. Every time we have a glimpse of them its still unbelievable for me. Just to think that  finally this happen, is so cool!! The tears just start to roll when reality sink in...we have come such along way and NOW there is going to be babies after all the long years of heartache.

They are so cool to look at!! and are more or less weighing 430g each. The one was sleeping while as we look at the scan the other one was kicking him in the face. All ready irritating each other. Twins I suppose!

I think its time to hit the shops!!! but where do you start???? We are clueless!! I will post some pic's when I got home next Tuesday.

Suro-sus bump are getting bigger by the day and heartburn are killing her big time, otherwise she is doing GREAT!!!

Jislaaik, I wish the end is near I am dying to see them and to just touch them!!

One more sleep...

I am waiting for Luv to came and pick us up after work and then we will go to Suro-sus. I think she cannot wait to see her little one's after 6days. It will also be nice for me to go aswell and to see Luv!.and how big our babies have grow in sus's bump! Its hard for me to think that in the next 3 months we are going to see not so much of each other. It SUCKS!!!

and one more sleep and we are going to see our babies. I am so excitied!!!!! and the scan are going to be sooooo nice....a long nice scan!!!!!

babysitting

From  Yesterday I have been on the farm looking after my sus-2-kids. That’s

 the duty of the not-being-pregnant-having-a-suro-being-preggies-with-twins! You need to look after her kids. And as I got the vibes she is ENJOYING EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF IT.

She is sleeping late, no screaming kids and late mornings, taking a nap again and then the afternoon again and going out no need to search for a babysitter. But after all its for the sake of my babies. SO twins take your change and GROW!!! Because on Thursday they will be back…

I feel so sorry for the kids, to not be with their parents, but sorry you2 they are not missing you AT ALL!! Because I am keeping them busy…we build houses ( my mother whole house have been turn up side down with all the furniture being move around. Blankets all over the place ( for the roofs) and kitchen ware being use for coffeehouses.  We went to town .Play with my brothers kids. I have been dragging them around , making food and just having fun. They are so sweet…

I was reading a blog about and was thinking how bad it is for an infertile to read all the bla and bla about when someone got pregnant and how hard it is for you not being on it….and it make me think…what am I??? Because I am still an infertile…and sometimes reading my own blog feels like someone else’s story. This is still unreal for me two.

20 weeks!

We are 20 weeks!! And its only5 more sleeps till we can see our miracle twins again ….and we cannot wait!!! We are seeing soooo forward to it!!

I am going to look after suro-sus kids this week at my parent’s farm. Sus are at home and a bit sick ( flu) I think it would be nice for her to rest and relax!  I feel so sorry for her kids, because their mommy cannot  give them all the attention they need right now. And they don’t really understand everything. But  its only for a few more  months and them everything will be back on track. One thing is, me and Luv just adore and love my sus kids so much!!! They feel like our  own kids. Some days , I think…how much will I love my own babies if I love my sus kids soooo much. My love for her kids are just unbelievable much!!

This is such an amazing journey we are on, I still don’t believe it!! But there are so many people involved and they doing so much for us. And their lives are also turned up-side-down…I haven’t got a clue how I will thank then ever!!! I know they are doing this because they love us, but still…

Contraception...Me??

I know how older people must feel with everyday another ailment. From April just everyday there is something new that’s hiding me!! Last week my voice disappear… . and drumroll this week…

After getting up on Tuesday my neck was stiff! And its so sore and I don’t have time for things like this, so today after I was getting up and the neck is still there!! I phone the doctor. And now I have this neck support thing on, just looking ridiculous. Have to laugh at myself. But hopefully this will soon clear up!!

Yesterday, my visit at the doctor was nice to have all the talks and getting answers. But at the end the doctor was asking….and what about contraception??? I was flipping out of my chair. CONTRACEPTION??? What is that?. Me trying for 10 years to just get pregnant, want to go on contraception. I am an Infertile!! Doctor if you haven’t notice!! Yes I am 20 weeks pregnant and not showing!!

So he explain, with my history to go through this and what if I get  another baby in my tubes? I was shock , so all I could get out was… I will think of that!! ( I still wish I can  be pregnant on my own)

So contraception!!! I will give it a skip!!! ( I am not the having sex-got-pregnant-girl after all)Thanx Doctor!