8 Months.....and it seems like if their sleeping better... jippee!!!
I will not be at my computer for a while... but see you soon.
xxxxxx
May 30, 2012
May 27, 2012
The twins
are 8 months. My throat are feeling funny , just by the idea of them getting so
big, before I see ...they will be having their 1st. I am enjoying
them so much and before I can enjoy a stage they have move on....where is the first
3 months where I could just sit and look at them????
They doing
so good and we are so happy with their progress. They are eating more and more different foods,
and Nika wants to hold her bottle all by herself (its a mess) Wium is putting
every single thing in his mouth....he love shoes.... geee its giving me the creeps.
They love the pram-rides daily and to be outside.
They not shy
to go to other people. They are very social. Nika love giving hugs.... and Wium
think everyone he meets is a clown.
When Luv is
getting home after work, they go mad. He will then take them with him upstairs,
and while getting out of his working clothes, he sing and entertain them. It gives
me a quick break just to get everything in order. All you can hear then is
...giggles and laughs. And its nice boding time with daddy. Luv are doing so
much effort with them ... he is a wonderful DAD.
Night
time.....they normal babies...they don’t sleep.....there are just so much they
can maybe miss out in life.
May 21, 2012
Sometimes I look at the twins ...and think how do you get them big?? Because
everyday more and more happen!.
Wium still love every single thing you give him to eat, its just
super. Nika on the other hand will like it today , and tomorrow she hates it. She don’t like
to eat. I will cook the nicest stuff and she will think...in her life...it was
the worst thing she ever tastes. I am not doing the buffet thing for her so if
she don’t like it , stay without it. Its
getting better, because if she see her little brother is eating, then she wants
too.
Worst of eating is when their months are full of food , they love to put their feet with the
socks in it, its such a mess!! One part I don’t like...the eating part.
I am more strict with them at night time now, and its playing off.
There was a time when they totally ruled us!
They love playing with all their toys and each other, they laugh at
each other and yes they do have their fights, kicking and clapping each other
ending up with tears. And to see their conversations are so cute to watch.
Their teeth are giving them a hard time....but the only thing you see
is ...shining gums!!! And burning bums!!.
They are rolling all over the place and going around, like clocks.
They get where they want too. Nika can sit for a long time playing....Wium don’t
like to sit, he wants to MOVE... he love wires and plugs.
So this weekend he get on to his knees and arms and move forward, I
was so shock ! the next step is crawling....he is a little mover, watch out.
May 17, 2012
I am doing
okay, have a small bit of discomfort, but as I know everything will get back to
normal at the end.
2 weeks ago
when I was discharge from hospital the Dr ask if I will be okay...Yes , I am
always okay!! Yes , but emotionally ??
.....yes , I will be. Its not the end I wanted for myself, but who can
predict anyway? How their life needs to turn out.
What did I
wanted my life to be 12 years ago ....
I wanted
kids with all of my heart
I wanted to
start a family immediately
I wanted to
have 5 kids ( Luv wanted 4)
I wanted a
life with NO hick-ups.. I wanted an easy ride. Now this sound O, so boring...
I have had
clients who did IVF when I was not even married and from their stories, I wish
this will never happen to me ever.
While I
start Ivf-ing years ago, One of my clients was doing Suro- I was thinking
please I don’t ever want to end up, to
that extreme.
Ectopic’s...that
sound to sore, please skip me that.
All through
these years, what kept me going was.. was believing NEXT time your luck
will change and with all these believing
I did not realize how time fly, never ever did I think my path will be so difficult ... this is how my IF –CV look.
8 IUI # 1
GIFT # 6 IVF # 3 time Surrogating # 2 Ectopic’s
In 11 years
I was 10 x pregnant and I have loose them all, sometimes it was more tragic
than others. I was in theatres more
times than I was in the movies, I can look back and know I have tried it all, although I never have had the privilege to be
pregnant too the end or give birth to a baby ( it was one of my biggest wishes
but life is not always the way we want it), thanx a 10 00000000000 times I have had a sister who give me the best
prezzie ever... Nika and Wium.
My heart is
sore because of as my babies pass each stage its the last and the cute outfits,
I wanted to keep for” a-may-be-baby” can
go the someone else thats in need now. I ended my TTC journey with a BANG!! Like
one of my friends say, that’s how you do everything, its not a surprise.
I am just
glad I came out stronger on the other side, I am full of scars physically and emotionally,
but I have made it. Now I can see forward to a normal family life, at last.
May 13, 2012
My 2 loveable babies xxxxx
At last my first MOTHER’S DAY!! Thought I
never ever writes this.
I do think
the media makes allot WhoHA about it, but that’s just my thoughts.
I remember
sitting in church on mother’s day, its dreadful, painful and just plain
terrible. The minister always loves to make a BIG THING about mother’s day. Handing
out a chocolate or some gift to” ALL THE MOMMIES”. ( what makes you a mommy ?
only when you bare you own kids? What if you are a mom to many kids at an orphanage?
Or even a mom to an animal?)
Then you that actually wants to be one so much
don’t get a thing....because you don’t have kids. It feels as if there is a
spotlight on you...your in component women
And each and every year is just the same “ snot” the one minister that
did not do it was the one that married us, he will give out things to all the
women!! You diverse a medal.
...because,
what about the so many women out there, that for some medical reason, some
personal reason, some emotional reason, some secret reason cannot be a mommy ??
SO today to
all the moms and “specially” all the to-be-some-time-a-mommy-hopefully-soon and
all the women with a prayer in their heart... I love you xxxx
May 11, 2012
Granny-Au-Pair on duty, do you think she is coping???
This whole week I was lying low!! Did not do much, could not do much.
But today I am feeling good, no more constantly pain, and discomfort, wounds
look good and healed!
I did have a “Granny- Au-pair” for the twins. They just LOVE her!! She
could not turn her back for n sec then they scream!! They were sitting with her
the whole time, and mommy could take naps!! It was wonderful....thanx MOM!!
The Granny-Au-pair just left, I could see the she will not last long(
never get a OLD au-pair) , Nika is fine , but Wium ( wiggly-worm) is not
everyone’s playmate. He is just always on a roll. He don’t want to sit still
for a sec! The Au-pair was so glad when the twins hit their cots at night.
It was every nice with my mother here, and the twins already missing
their ”ouma”
May 8, 2012
Wium got hiself a taxi for the day, and he love his new friend.
one of his hospital friends....
Dad doing a hopsital feed.
Nika getting her bath from dad. As you can see...dad's in control!!
When I wake
after the op, it felt like heaven!! The devastating pain was gone, thank
goodness. I was soooo cold they put ,
what I call , hot-vacuum on me. I got to my room and see its late, I must have been gone, a long time.
I was so
nausea....and the sister to slow with a bucket!!! You can just think, what
happen next. I ask them to help me to the bathroom, to get me wash; I was
drench in blood and vomit. I saw myself in the mirror and thought Geeeewhizz
you look terrible and your body.... so
pale. They help me so nicely to get washed holding me by my sides and help to
get my panty on ( always feel better when you got your panties on, and a
T-shirt ( no PJ’s we pack in such a rush!)
In my bed I
order food, after all I did not eat anything that day! And then the sleep hit
me.....OO so nice!
Where are
the twins??? On our way , I phone a dear friend...are you home??? My family are
going to crash with you tonight. It was so nice knowing Luv and die kids are
staying with them , because they are always so willing to help, thank you
xxxxxxxx ( I think in future if they see my number on their screen they will
think twice before picking up.
And I know
Luv is hands-on, he help with everything so I did not worry a inch. I know he
will cope. He have pack there bedding and clothes, bottles even there favourite
sleeping toys!
It did feel
funny not having him around when I wake, but we are a family now, things work
out differently.
Next morning
doctor Sweat Heart come, shame after me
he did and birth on the next door town, poor man must have hit his pillow very
late that night. He said.....”it was a bad ectopic that ruptured on a very bad
place, the egg must have travel a long way and just missed the uterus, it rapture
near the uterus so he remove abit of that too!!it took over 1hour and a half
hours! So both tubes are gone now! And its the end...........
I got out of
the hospital and need to stay in town till the next day. The next day we went
to my mother and father, because suro-sus is also there . Then everyone can
help Luv with the twins, I was lying down most of time and cannot pick them up.
Thank you so
much for everyone helping Luv with the twins, everyone that help to get them to
sleep, feed them and play with them, everyone that bring us food its so nice
and its always nice to see how friends is there for us. We are at home with
abit of chaos, Luv got flu over the weekend, ( I think he is on burnt-out-level
and I am just floating, and the twins are getting their first tooth...
May 7, 2012
I have just arrived at hopsital , they prepping me for theatre....
What I did
not tell you in my last post is that although I did have a feeling I am
pregnant, I have had pain in my right side. But it come and goes. Then I saw
the double stripes, and my periods started. ( what made this pregnancy so weird
was, The egg follicle was on my tubeless side, so changes to fall pregnant was
nearly zero. But this little egg was, just like me.... she crawl through
universal-vaginal-space to found the right side tube. She was so adamant to
reach the uterus that with her brave journey made her lost her life!! It may sound funny but
doctors have seen this happen, not so many times.
Although
what I think my periods has began, I still feel pregnant.
Tuesday we
come home after our long weekend, and Wednesday morning I dress-up in
raggy-clothes to do washing and all the stack-up house work ( and there was
plenty to be done)
After I hang
the 3th bundle of washing, the twins was moaning the whole day everything was
out of control!! Half past 10 I phone Luv, saying today its chaos at home!!! And
as I said that, I look out of the window seeing that my laundry-line HAVE
COLAPSE!! What I did not know was , what
I have experience as chaos was not even the tip of the ice-mountain.
Half an hour
later I was sterilizing the bottles and the next moment I collapse of pain!! Crawing
to the couch with my cell phone, phoning Luv to come home immediately. I was so
afraid of passing out , luckily the twins was fast asleep.
I phone a
friend to look after the twins!! She was there in a flash ( Thanx a mil!!! You are
a star!!) I was thing it was an ectopic again but just to make sure we went for
a scan at the local hospital and that took hours....painful hours, it is so
sore you cannot think , you cannot
listen, you cannot sit, stand-up, or lay done.....you are dying of the
pain!!!!!
What they
saw in the hospital was a cyst that burst , with fluid in my insides! I have
ask so many times, is it NOT AN ACTOPIC????
With the answer NO!!
The fluids
in your insides are dangerous so we went
home , my dear DR Sweetheart was waiting for me in George, we pack as quickly
as possible with twins, our friends helping us. I was in so much pain. And boy
I look terrible, raggy clothes, chip off nailvarinsh and my leg hair....grown
out!!Hospital things always happen when least expected.
There was allot
of road works to George , but with luck we hit them all on green. Half way I
was feeling terrible, and pass out. You can just think , Luv was driving at a speed,
me collapsing at his side and the twins crying.
He drop me
at the doc, got me on the scan, ITS A ANOTHER ECTOPIC!!!! And you’ve got fluid
inside we must get you NOW to theatre ( this was half pass 4.)
Can you
believe my second ectopic this is ridiculous... why the fuck me AGAIN ! we were
talking and you know whats going to happen...THIS IS THE END OF YOU TTC
ROAD....after this you finish. Me and Luv was talking on the road about it, but
it still was a shock.
I just walk
over the road to the hospital, they getting me ready, luv checking me in at
reception, and strange people sitting with MY TWINS which I never ever let go
out of my eye side. It was a bit of chaos, me looking for the twins, Luv not
there, the porter standing with my bed to wheel me to theatre.
5 O
clock I hit the theatre, the
anaesthetist listing to my lungs and heart on the way. I getting on the bed
with loads of pain, and crying....crying because of all the pain, crying because
now I have babies, crying because I am loosing another baby, crying
because its the END....
They
struggle awhile to found a vain, of the shock and pain my veins collapse. I
have holding DR Sweethearts hand, I think I broke it. Because very needle they
try was sore , my threshold was gone....so they give me gas. I was asking how long
op???? Half hour to a bit...
May 4, 2012
May 1, 2012
April is the
months with loads of looooooong weekends, and we have arrive home after another
long one . From Friday till Tuesday we have been away...and allot have happen
again in my life...there is always allot happening.
The beginning
of April I have been for my yearly Gyni-check-up, I have tell you about the whole
story...bla the contraceptive.... the nice egg on my tubeless-side....well...
I know my reproductive-body so good,
and last week I just feel O-so-preggies!!
While sitting at my PC I skype Luv “
Hey I think I am pregnant AGAIN!! Congrats you are going to be a daddy!!” he
replying hahahah again!!.
When he hit home that afternoon I
tell him ..I am pregnant, I just know it!! Tomorrow I will do I home test.
More on me and home tests.... after
all these years I am not a Pee-on-a-stick-addict! I just did it on the
suro-ivf-journey and I have an spare one for maybe.
The nine times I have been pregnant
was tested by blood test. So on paper I have been pregnant 9 times. I real life
I am scared to know the number,,,its many times. But now after we have had the twins I have
tell Luv if ever I
got this I think I am pregnant, I will do a home test, just to see. Because alllllllllllll
the kizillions of other times, I just will have wait till my “late-periods”
arrive.
So Thursday
night just before I took a shower, I thought.....I am 100000000% sure I am
Pregnant, I am not going to wait till tomorrow, and did the peeing-stick
thing......with and immediately double stripes!! I went to Luv and show him and
we start laughing!!! Because it was the tubeless-side, my changes where zero (
my FS ones told me he have seen it happen ones, how nobody know) but the egg
slip in the back door. 5 weeks pegnant.
We could not
sleep that night ...because of excitement !!!!!!!
Just to
start bleeding on Sunday.....a MISCARRIAGE AGAIN!!
So my
reproductive -insides.. is still on strike!!! But for the first time it was not THAT BAD,
because I have 2 wonderful little babies. It took the edge off!
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