ER on Monday

Scan today went well. Doctor want to do ER on Monday 11 o'clock.
Looks like there are more or less 10 follies.

The more the better, because we need embies for me and Suro-sus.
I am very bloated, feels like an Oros-man!!!!

We are doing babysitting and loving it!!!!!

Stop the horse!!!

I am totally crazy,” mind-spinning-making-up-my-own-stories”
This last 3 day till my next scan is driving me crazy…because of all the bad-lucks-happening-to-me!!

…I am shit scared my eggs shrink!!!! Or vanish!!!!! Don’t know if something like that can happen, but my imagination is like a horse out ,on the RUN !!!!!!!!!

HELP!!!!!!!!!!

Time to kill.

Don’t have much news, just waiting. This IF game is after all about waiting!!!!! And F*&^&*K I have to wait. Friday is the day we will knew when ER will be, and at the stage I am wondering is the eggs still there, what if they disappear into universe?? or decided we don’t like this waiting for the other eggs lets make a duck!!

So we are hanging……yesterday suro-sus and the bloated ME went for an indulge….Nice……Facial, full body massage, Pedi and manicure, maybe it will get our “body-auras” synchronized doing stuff together ( always trying new stuff for the maybe…)

Luv did the babysitting… and the little one surprised him with a no2 diaper!!! Just his good luck!! Maybe its their way to get him back from when they older and he will tease them…

10 Follies!!

This morning with the scan there are…… 10 follies!!! Great news!!!!!

The double-up meds did their work. The doctor is very happy, as always!!! Just hope the end will be happy as well. Suro-sus lining is fine!

Now I must go for the next scan on Friday.

Suro-sus hired us to paint her kitchen….job done!!!!
I’ve got hell-of-headaches, feel like a tiger is hitting his claws into my head.

Off to the clinic tomorrow.

Today I must get everything pack and in order. Pick up stuff I need…leave house keys for the house sitter…do all the washing ect…

I am doing okay , just busy cracking of headaches!!! Its so bad!!! I want to rip my brain apart just to get the pain out. Every IVF is different for me , never get the same feelings, emotions, or aches…

Don’t know why, can’t wait to see what’s up inside…How many follies?? Scared every time, what if my body strike and nobody’s home inside and the cycle got cancelled (luckily never ever happened but it’s like your mind just go whuzzzzz)

The highlight of the week is seeing Suro-sus kids!! I am missing then so much!! We are going to treat them out of there socks!!!

Tour de UNFIT

 

Trying to cope with normal life, yesterday night we decided to do a cycle race in our town .

I was not in the mood when I could hear the birds this morning, because that means,,,,nice day!!!!! and nice day meen, you need to get on your bic.

My bicycle was so full of dust....nobody was on it for a while...

Luv did the 40km and I did the 20km, and now I really feel great!!!  Before Luv's races start, we first did the injections in the car. People passing ,must think...What ?????? Weird!!!!!!! If they did a bloodtest on me after the race...????

I did the race not on a adrenal-rush, but on a "hormonal- rush"

I am ready...

So I am hanging on to normal life... Meds doing great....Luv's doing great...Suro-sus is quiet, I suppose that mean she is doing great.

I try not to think about this cycle, and do normal stuff. I was working this whole week, my new fence is finish , so Woody is out-of-sight. Thank Goodness, I got my own privacy back!! and just love it.

I have been busy with my running program, and I really enjoy it...the reason I am getting fitter day by day, and I was feeling so good today. So I push myself that extra mile. Maybe the eggs will be in good shape too.

So at this stage...eggies grow!!!!!!!!Please Suro-sus and Me need you!!!

Day 3

Day 3, and I am on my first step of the lovable “hormonal-high and, NO I am not emotional….YET!!!

Luv did the injections this morning ( I can do then 2, but its nicer if he does it) I am like a clown on wheels….just trying to be busy , I think it’s my way of coping.

I am fine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My inner-self ?????????????
Is freaking OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I so badly want this to be it!!! Last time we have had a double try with me and Suro-sus that went through ET. And we both got a BFN!! So pleasssssseeee not again!!!!!

I really need a BFP!!!!!! This time pleaseeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

Day 2

So AF arrived yesterday!! Jippee must be crazy to be happy for that…but in this case its good.

I was away for 2 days, so now I can start getting my mind into action for the “IVF Vacation”

It’s going to be a holiday… with days filled with nice hormonal trips… emotional brake-downs ( every vacation have its bumpy roads )… painful injections… feeling all swell-up( everyone pick up extra weight on holiday)… having friends sharing good moments ( in this case its doctors and nurses and everybody just want to peek at us)… funny things that happened on holidays… being away for a week… lots of money…so as you can see ,this is like a vacation!!!!!


Take my word on it….NOT A HOLDIDAY I WILL HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!!!

Tomorrow is day 3…
Tomorrow morning at 8…Doctor Luv will start with the Menopur and Gonal F

Ready, steady....where's the GO??

Weekend was such a bliss of fun and laughter!! We where having so much fun !! Just what I needed at this stage of the race.

I am on CD 28....My mind is set.....my purple bag is ready for action...Luv the doctor is ready for the injections...Suro-sus is on a Lucrin-High...

...BUT MY INSIDES ARE ON A STRIKE!!!!

No, I am NOT pregnant already did the POAS just to get my mind off  ...a maybe....

So now we wait!!!

Baby Awareness Day

Today I will light candles for my 9 ANGEL BABIES I never got to meet!
You will never be forgotten....xxxxxxxxx !

I am sitting on an edge!

I am a bit freaking out at this stage; I am charged up for this Suro/IVF and can’t wait to get started... but now I am sitting waiting for my day 1.( it will be more or less this weekend)

Just to keep me, from not totally losing my “IVF-emotional-mind” I searching for stuff to do. Just to be busy.

This afternoon I am going to do flowers in a church, they have a 3 -day flower festival. It will be a first for me, Have I done flowers ever in my life???? NO!

And tomorrow, I am going to paint a friends sitting room.

If you need something done... call me!!!!

Why do you want kids??

With my whole body, soul, mind, emotions, feelings, everything I consist of, I want a FAMILY!!


I want me and Luv’s kids. I want us to be a family. I want to do family stuff. I am jealous of people that have a family, men and women that adore their kids. Men and women that the word FAMILY means everything in the whole wide world.

But then you get Men and Women that want kids!! Because it’s nice if people ask you “do you have kids?” and you can say “YES!! 2/3 whatever!! They want the kids, but: O, Please!!!! I just don’t want them to invade our space!!

During the week they work, SO hard (mostly people like that think they are the only ones on earth that work). Other people look after their kids, they work. Other people doing mommy and daddy stuff with them. If the kids call the people, that look after them...Mommy or daddy, the parents always say every quickly that Sometimes the kids get confused. NO THEY ARE NOT CONFUSED!! The kids get more attention from the other person and that is why they call them daddy or mommy.

But you know its fine, during week time…But then weekend arrive…and this is then when the parents that worked the whole time, needs “ME TIME”
Weekends is family-time, doing fun stuff with your kids. Why do you then leave them with other people because you want to go shopping (Shopping malls are full of families with kids) Want to go to restaurants every time without your kids?( if other people are sitting with their kids next to you.)

If you want kids, you know your life will never be the same ever again!! You have kids now!! Enjoy them!! Do stuff with them!!

If you are doing stuff over the weekend and everybody around you are adults, because kids are not allowed, that’s fine (like a wedding).
BUT IF YOU LEAVE YOUR KIDS WITH A BABYSITTER, AND YOU ARE LOOKING AROUND YOU AND THERE ARE KIDS RUNNING AROUND… I HOPE YOU FEEL HORRIBLE!!! Your kids are missing out on family time, because you want ME TIME! I will bet on it that it is happening every weekend.

If you have kids???? Go and sit and make a mark every time other people babysit your kids and you will be so surprise to see that other people have more time with your kids than yourself. Because you are firstly thinking what YOU like to do, you want to have fun-time. You are not a family-parent!!!

There are so many IF’s that just want a family…why are so many people abandoning their kids??

Woody's Work!!

For 5 years I could not see the house you are seeing now!! The trees where so nice , it was this BIG WALL OF GREEN, and it was so private we never even close the curtains of our bed room, believe it or not.

After Woody's mass destruction, its the fisrt time I saw this house, we never even know the people next door or seen them because the previous owner was so private he never came out of his house, but now its the end...

Luv cannot even go outside if nature calls for a wee, because the whole street will have a "birds-eye-view" of his best friend.

Enjoy the weekend!!



 My mother visit me yesterday and we had, had such a GOOD time. They are going on holiday and she don't know how her camera work. Need to help her with lessons.  She also left with my camrecorder( don't know if its the last time, camera will ever be reunited with me, the owner???)

Suro-sus is on her Lucrin-Vibe( just loving the dreadful headaches!!) Her 3 year old is playing nurse, and just want to do the injection during the day. One per day is not enough for little-miss-nurse!!

Woodpecker still busy.... just want to find a before picture then  will post!

I am in pause-mode

I am in “Limbo-just cruising-taking-day-by-day-actually-freaking-out-stage” I am living in a bubble of “NO FEELINGS”

In 2 weeks time AF( My periods) will arrive so at the end of October my treatment will start. And I can really say I don’t know what to feel.
That’s one thing IF did to me…it has stolen all my emotions. EVERY SINGLE FREAKING EMOTION!!

And I hate it!!

# I can never be excited, because there are ALWAYS disappointments
# I can never just be happy, because things change in seconds
# I cannot do treatments and think THIS WILL BE THE ONE! Because it’s not!
# I am scared to do IVF, because it don’t always work
# I hate the 2WW, because I feel pregnant, have all the symptoms and then it’s BFN!!
# When I am Pregnant, I cannot get excited because it ALWAYS end up in a miscarriage
# I actually can just have ZERO EMOTIONS!!!

There is a Woodpecker next door!! HELP!!

I was away for the day… and when I got back this afternoon...I went into shock!!!

The house next to us was sold 2 months ago. It was a very cosy house with the nicest garden. There is (now was) this beautiful row of trees between our house and the neighbour. It was very private!

But the new idiot that bought the house, was trimming the trees and now everybody 10 houses down the street can see EVERY SINGLE THING THAT'S HAPPENING AT OUR HOUSE!!

We’ve got absolute ZERO PRIVACY now! I feel naked!! He is ripping everything out!!! I will put up some pic’s tomorrow. I want to cry!!!

He wants a farm-feeling!! He hit down a wall and he is going to put a Farm gate in. Goodness graces we are living in a TOWN!!! Bastard!!!

Our whole “love our garden-cosy-private-feeling” is GONE in Secondes!!

But we've got a surprise for this joker .......

Saturday, 3 o’clock we arrived at the place where the CANSA RELAY OF LIFE took place. It’s a fundraising for Cancer. We enter a team, our name…THE SUPER SUPORTERS!!! We have got Silver for best dress team.

The Relay starts at 6 and end the next morning at 6. One of the team must be on the track walking around it. It was so much fun!!!! And I could not believe how the people did not stop walking throughout the night. It just never stop and everybody have had so much fun!!!

Every time you past the beginning you get a bead you can put on a string to see how much labs you have done. I have done 55!!!! That’s a lot!!! And today I can feel it in my legs!! ( I was also carried Suro-sus little one a few rounds)


Getting home on Sunday( after NO SLEEP) we just shower, and them jumping in bed for a power nap! and 9 o’clock last night I was sleeping till this morning!! And now I am relax and can take the bull by its horns!!

Suro-sus start her Lucrin on Saturday morning!! And I have received my parcel of horrible hormones!! So we are more or less on “Route-trying-no2-Suro-attempt “

RELAY OF LIFE!!!

                       The Super Surporters at the start!!!! ( Suro-sus and Me in the middle, in front)

end of the week

Friday is my favourite!!! I love weekends!! The best is too having My Luv 24/7 next to me.

I am not totally 100%...system struggle get itself fix!! And Saturday we are going to take part in the Relay of Life for Cancer. Seeing forward to it, I just luv stuff like that.

Don’t know why…but Fridays are like a special day, I just want to do nice stuff. Drinking coffee and visiting friends.

This weekend Suro-sus are going to start with her Lucrin. So things are slowly getting started for our next attempt.

Enjoy your weekend!!!! And keep well