See you in 2012!! xxxx

I am going to take a break till next year, so this is my last post for 2011!!

Thanx for every single one that follow my blog, I wish I can meet you all!! That will be super great!! Without even knowing each other you support me on my journey,  and that means alot to me!!

It was a year where I have meet wonderful angel-people. All have touched my heart in so many ways!!

This was a rollercoaster year with NO Guarantees in the beginning of the year and it turn out to be the best year of my life!! now we are going to just enjoy the twins which we dearly love.

My wishes for you is.....HAVE A WONDERFUL XMAS!! And may 2012!! Be you super year!!!

Love you all!

Me, Luv, Nika and Wium

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I need to get my whole me into this new time, Xmas time!!! I am not use to it?? It feels weird!

Xmas time is family time!! Its a time where very body is happy and full of smiles, families gathering together after a year of not seeing each other. Children love the whole we-believe-in-Xmas father-and his-gang!! Its lights and food and some places snow and fun. Most people are seeing forward to this the whole year!!!

BUT WHAT IF.....you don’t have  kids, if you are a family of 2 adults???

Then this is the worst time of your life, if you not in it, don’t even open up your month!! Its a don’t go zone!!! And that is where we have been the last 10 years.

I just hated Charismas time!!!!Its SHIT! You feel so alone... you hate the malls where all the shopping took place, and to go to the family gathering break your heart!!! Very year somebody new have a baby it just never ever stop. You have to sit there watching every one O so happy, you need to laugh , but you actually want to cry!! You sit there like ET in the desert... you don’t belong there!!! Because you don’t have kids!! My family always makes us feel welcome and try to make us part ( but it still was hard) and Luv’s family did not once ever took us in consideration.( because we did not have kids)

So the last few years, I did not put a tree in my house.... no lights!!! Because it was so dam fucking sore!! I hate presents!! Some where in the last pass years we ship a family-do –or –two. Once we went skiing, it was wonderful, but still sore .The White Xmas help abit.!!!it was better than the family do, and the  year after I lost my twins there was not a change in hell I could drag myself to Xmas. Me and luv was floating between here and there!!. We stayed in friend caravan while they went to their family-do. That was when we went on Xmas eve to a bar!!! Very body that was in the bar was people that have had sore and not belonging to a chrismas-family. Its was one of the nights we will never ever forget !!! We have met the most interesting people and stories!! Funny was the bar lady decorated all the booz-botlles with xmas trimmings and lights... have you ever!!! And they played all the xmas songs and wanted us to sing along. Geewhilzz me and luv have had such a memorial night!! And now I know what lonely people do, we where one of them, then!!

And now I need to erase 10 years of heartache and tried to get hold of my Chrismas tree and see if the lights even work. Me and Luv are starting our first family xmas with the twins and we are so seeing forward to it!!

Thanx to my little angel sister xxxxxx

Last year this time I was at a very bad place. We did not know what to do next....Me and |Luv was just so fed-up!!!!!!I was feeling terrible after just other miscarriage and the statistics not turning a single time in my favour. I wands feeling shit for Suro-sus, because now she is head-on in  this fuck-up road, of not getting pregnant and we did not want her to go through this stuff again. As you can see, we where on nobodies land not fitting in anywhere!!! ( and for Xmas time to not fit in is awhfull)

We decided we don’t want to do it again, we will enjoy the next 3 for years just to have a normal time for once in our life  and then we will hit the world!!!! We will travel forever!!!!! After all we don’t need to save our money for our kids!! ( little secrect and just before I will turn 40 we will try again, just maybe...)

But my loving sus WANTED to try again!!! ( its in our genes... to not give up) so okay then one more try!!!!! But its the last!!! Suro attempt!!

...and now one year later look how my life turn out to be!!!! We are parents..... We have TWINS...... I am a mom and luv a dad.... We are a family..... We are super-dooper-happy.....My house are not neat anymore.....baby stuff are all over our house.....I am mostly dress in puking clothes and pee on my pants....I don’t get sleep anymore....I AM ADDICTED TO A BOY CALLED WIUM AND A GIRL CALLED NIKA!! They have turned our lives up-side-down.

All our plans vanished in the air!!! And brand new plans have took over!!

And all I can think off is......WHAT IF WE DID NOT TOOK THIS LAST TRY ?????

The weekend was a bliss!!! It was so nice to break and to just chill around and enjoy the kids!! There was DIY work also , l like it just to do some normal stuff again.

The weather was not that nice but the weekend was wonderful. You can feel the holiday feeling here in South Africa.... people are driving all over, kids are on their bikes, its just a chilling vibe!!  We went out with the wraps , our babies just love that and all the attention they got. After all they are special babies. Luv is going to take leave after Xmas it will be our holiday, this year was not very holiday-like, we need this break. Suro sus is also going to visit us. I miss her kids so much. She will have freight if she sees the twins.....they BIG!!

I was Saturday at a friends Bday party and Luv did the baby sitting all on its own....when  I got home He wanted to get me a medal!!!!!! The one twin gone to sleep at 2h45 and the other one wake up at 2h46.... now he know how I spent my days..... running around!!! But loving it!!

Yesterday I was burping them and the bell ring!! I think NO I am not going to open!! Then  my cell ring, curiosity took over to open.... and there my roommate from school was.... haven’t seen her in years!!! It was so nice!!!! This time of year you don’t get much to do, and its most of the time, you that are just soooo lazy you just want to party!!!

...and this year will be the best ever!!!! WE ARE A FAMILY!!!!!

Packed and GO

This last week was busy, but I think its a before-Xmas-thing.

Tuesday there was some personal stuff that was very important that need to be done as soon as possible. It was the first day I went out with the twins in the car on my own....and it went so well!!! I timed myself to see how quickly I will mange them in their car seats, buckle-up and bags pack. Record time just surprise me so much , I have been out allot since then.

The meeting went sooo well!!!! Please to see I still got it!!

The twins did not sleep for 2 days from then on and then yesterday they sleep the whole day!!! Maybe they have had an “don’t-sleep-competition” I did not know of. ( their mother and father are very good at that!) They are on their own wickets and I just need to full in!!. Have to say with a whole days sleep I only got 4hour sleep last night!! Adrenalin????? Kick in please!!!!

We are going away for the weekend, it will be the first time out since ICU that we ar e packing again. And Geez Whizzz just the diapers and the burp cloths took a seat!!!! And they are taking up a seat.

We are seeing forward to this sooooo much!!!!! Yippeeee its Friday!!! My favourite day!!

a normal day???

How does a typical day in the twin-house looks like...

I know we are in sort of a routine, but for me and luv that are not your normal-routine-like-people-actually-there-is-zero-routine it is very much routiny!!

First morning get up is anything from 6 to 8. I am very lucky if it’s early enough before Luv went to work, because then he can help me with the feed!! I will quickly jump through the shower otherwise I will be stuck in my PJ’s for the day.

Then I will quickly make the beds and sort out all the scattered stuff of the night. Then I will bring them down stairs and put them down for  a nap( just if I am lucky!!) If I am lucky I will start sterilizing all the bottles of the day ( this take a while) and get all my STATIONS ( will tell you later) ready for  the day. This is my saving grace if my stations are not ready for the day....my whole life turn to a dark night!!

If they let me more sleepy time I will do the washing and ironing and cleaning, but if they not letting me this time the rest of the day is chaos, then its feeding, changing diapers, do the burping, trying making them to sleep, try to calm them down, try to do some stimulating exercising ect.

Some time I’ve got time to make lunch other than that its coffee and rusks for lunch ( little secret...its most of the time coffee and rusks. Luv will get back to work and the baby-rituals begin all over again. If  I am lucky they will sleep and I got time for my emails. Sometimes if the weather permitted we will go for a walk in their pram which they just love!!!!!

16h40!!!! Best time of the day!!!! Luv arrived from work!!!! And then I got an extra pair of arms!!!! We will have a coffee( yes I am a coffee-junkie) or we will go out for one( love the  new scenery for the day)  or we will go out for a walk with them.

Then its the normal feeding-changing-burping ritual and then anytime from 22h00 to 23h00 we will bath them.... i know its late but it work for us. The normal 18h00 is just too early for mom and dad.

Then they will go to bed and we will go and sleep or sometimes 24h00 is the best time to hang the washing!! Luckily they will only wake once in the night. The night they are super!!

And then the 6h00 cycles start all over again!!

Some day are super calm and other days are super hectic!!!

sleepless weekends zzzzzz

Why are weekends so short?? Its the only time I have two pair of extra hands to help....

And today Nika rock us!!!! She just don’t want to sleep. Okay its a family thing, no one likes to sleep, their mommy too, but now some days I will love so a bid of extra  sleeping time.

So today she did not sleep from this morning 10 o clock till tonight 21h00. She has only sleep while we went to buy the newspaper with the stroller and that was half an hour!

We were so busy with them today and luv has already gone to bed, and I have discovered the paper only now and its 23h00 at night. I am tired but this quick peace time to read is golden....

... and the twins are getting bigger and bigger and I still love every second of them. I have a totally new life now and old life... whats that???? Whats sleep???? Whats clean clothes???? Whats you own time????

They are not so skinny anymore!!

The 2 that rule the house!!

Sorry I have been not with you lately, but the 2 keep me busy, now. They don't like sleep so much..ZZZZ. They want to have attention all the day till late night!!! some days they are out of it and others like today they are more calm. So today I need to do all the washing that have been piling up to the roof!