Royal Wedding

Tomorrow I will be glue-to-my-tv like 1000000000000000000000000000000000000 of people to watch the Royal wedding.  Its very exciting... can not wait to see the dress!

                                           Camping... and it was cold that night.

                                 "Manuel with the lady thats going away!! I will miss you!!

Public Holiday

Today is a public weekend again. The month of APRIL is full of them. We decided to go away for the week but after never being home we decided to stay and just enjoy out home… which end up never being home.

We were invited to friends and was having a wonderful evening with lots of laughter, we played Bridge with other friends the whole night through, we camp with suro-sus one night.

She have stop with the injections and she is over the moon and her bum is thinking is Christmas, cannot believe his luck!! The torturing is finish!!! We spoilt her with a nice woolly gown, to saying thanx!! For her doing this injection stuff!

Yesterday night we went to a going away party of one of our friends! It was so nice!! And the host did a lot of effort, from the welcome drinks, to the table setting to the food it was out of this world, she can go and do catering any day!!! She have style big time!!

…. And then why ??? I don’t know, they ask me to do a show.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter to all of you!!! Enjoy the loads of chocolate eggs, bunnies and hot-cross-buns!!

We have like a loooooong weekend till Wednesday and Luv and me wants to chill at our house...but the long weekend start and since then we where not home for more than  2 hours! I saw Suro-sus yesterday, they are camping at a beach near us...and she will finish her Dreadfull-Gestone-injections tomorrow.....SHE IS SO SEEING FORWARD TO THAT!!! after 9 weeks of bum-injections EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!

8 Weeks scan!!

Baby 1 ( look the head, body arms and legs, unbelievable!)

                                                    Baby 2 is lying like a worm!!

Sorry for the late update, but after the scan we went for breakfast and then I got in the car and drive home. After getting home late afternoon, and after informing Luv of all the detail of his CUTE little babies, it was late.

I was so excited for the scan and it was so wonderful!! Our little miracles are so wonderful to watch!!

Baby 1 is 8 weeks ( 18mm) and 2 days and Baby 2 ( 20.7mm) is 8 weeks and 5days. They are measuring the exact weeks where they suppose to be. All is so fine, it’s unbelievable!!! It’s so different as with  my scans.

Baby 1 was jumping and I could see the arms and legs moving and the heartbeats! Baby 2 was looking a bit sleepy ( not a morning person like his mom!) It was absolutely the most amazing thing to see our little babies!! I just fall in love with them xxxxxxx

It was our last day at the clinic and YES, I cried again…pregnancy is making me more emotional. My most wonderful doctor was saying he cannot believe the road we walked together and too get to this point.  Me too!! But they tell me to come and show them the babies and then we are going to party!!  That’s for sure!!

It was soooo nice to clear my account for the last time in 10 years!!! My expire date sooo due!!

Suro-sus  cannot wait to do the last injection on Monday, her butt is in a lot of pain. She is so great to do this for 9 weeks every day! She is not feeling the best due to all the hormones, but she don’t complain, she is like my SUPER WOMEN… (but please don’t fly away with my babies!)

I CAN NOT DECRIBE THE OVER WHELMING ADMARATION FOR HER!!

Poor Elephant

You wound not believe me , but I know exactly how an elephant feel !!

An elephant is pregnant for 22 months, Shame poor elephant, it’s so looooooong. But I KNOW the feeling!!!  We are only at 8 weeks now, Yip, 8 weeks and it feel like months now. I am going to go down to my Suro-sus today, because we have a scan tomorrow morning….the 8 week scan. I am seeing forward so much to see our 2 little miracles, I am sooooooo excited!!

I know I will see my sus and she will look the same as last, but in my mind I wish she have a pregnant BIG tummy ( only a wish I am  so super-over-excited.)

I know this may sound soooooo not me, but for the scan I am excited and not scared!! Weird…..very weired. I am always scared because of my history, and if you scared you don’t enjoy the ride!!! So this time,yes ,only decided it 2 weeks ago…

 I WILL ENJOY EVERY SINGLE, SECOND OF THIS PREGNANCY!! I WILL DO WHAT GIRLS DO WHO FALL PREGNANT IN A BLINK OF A EYE !! They go all the way. Not like me sitting like a “scary-mouse-afraid-of –the-big-black-cat”

Maybe it’s easier now with not me the “bad-uterus-killer” being preggies, but my sus who have 2 lovely kiddies( can not wait so see them tonight)  My sus don’t have problems in her pregnancy( otherwise she will not be an option for surro) so me and luv feel more relax, and that’s why we can enjoy the moment!

Will let you know  how the scan went and if they wave at me, tomorrow night.

Chatting soon xxxx

Anniversary

Today is our 11 Anniversary!!! 11 wonderful years with the best partner on my side! Still very much in Love….Infertility could not kill that!! Have to show her some ass!
After 11 years the changes???

# 15 kg more weight! ( working on that now)
# Body more drilling like a jellyfish
# Not that young anymore, wrinkles appear( think it’s from stress not age, I wish)
# More coping skills
# Can face my giants!!
# Much, much more emotional!!! What cause that??(have to confess… I even cry when I am looking at animal movies, my family this is very funny)
# Take NO-Nonsence what so ever.
# Discover wonderful people that keep me positive, it’s all of you!
# Discover the most amazing girl… My sister!
# Still cannot wait to see my babies!!

LUV, I love you so much, thanx for everything xxxxx

Time?

Why is time going like a snail???? do anyone know??? we are only at 7 and a half weeks...

I just want to say thanx for all of your support, it's so special!!

Congrats to all the fellow IFFERS that got pregnant this last month!! the miracles are all around us and all the double blessings!!

The follow-up plan B

Okay so my Plan B for this last try was, if both of me and Suro-sus was negative.

I would shave off all my hair, go in to a grieve for 3 months, and try to get out of there, forget the horrible past, find myself again, make peace and starting my new life, without kids!!! Extreme I know.  But that was plan B.

But then my Sus got preggies with our Miracle-Twins!!!  And I just need to make peace with ME not been pregnant till the end ever. My plan B for that was to do something nice for kids that don’t have parents or not staying with their parents because of circumstances.

In the hometown where I grew up there is an orphanage. So I called them and ask in their baby section what are the needs?? So they send me a list of, from babies to 6 year olds ,the names and sizes. They are in need of shoes and socks!! ( it’s about 10 kiddies)  One of the boys on the list name was the same as Luv’s.

So me and Luv went to the shops and bought some shoes , socks and tops. It was very funny in the shops, because if you don’t have kids you are not so shoe-clued-up!! It was chaos!! At his best, Luv was sitting in a corner with the list  of sizes and me running around searching for the right stuff. It was nice to buy baby and kids stuff, not like always, looking the other way, and it’s so funny but after we did that ( it was 2 days before the 6 week scan) I got peace…..so much peace and I decided… what will happen from now on ,will happen…

WE HAVE NO CONTROL ANYMORE!! Just enjoy this amazing ride!!

On our way home after the scan we stop at the orphanage  and drop the stuff, the lady that is the house-mum of the small one’s home, ask if we want to see them. Yes , we would love too!!

So off we go, the door open and a small boy came towards us, I was asking him what is your name??….Yes the same as Luv’s name and I had tears in my eyes. So now the small ones all start going though the bags and it was like we just drop gold!!! Shoes!!!! Shoes they were so excited!! Trying on the wrong sizes and when the lady show us their bedroom, one 2 year old who doesn’t talk, took Luv’s hand and dragging him to the shoes to show him!!.

It was an amazing experience !!! The whole thing of time set aside to get the stuff and their faces ….it was priceless!!!

I have also decided to start getting kiddies clothes from friends for them in future and maybe just collecting a soft toy for each one!! Because they have like 2 teddy bears for 6 girls and can you think what it will mean to them having their OWN LITTLE TEDDY OR DOLL to sleep with. They don’t have a “little sleeping blanket “ or special cushion or toy like other kids.

It was Heart-Touching!!!

Plan B's was my saving grace.

 I am always full of things to do, that  help me cope with the things that happen in my life. This is the one thing that have helped me though all these years of infertility. PLAN B!!!

If I go for IVF , I have already had a plan, so when I got the call and its negative. I know exactly what to do and this can be anything from…half marathon (this is what I did 4/5 years ago, I ask the doctor to give me a 3 months brake, to get me focus again, I walk out of his room and I knew I need to do something that is beyond my expectation, so that night I enter a half marathon online, and a month after that I did it!! I was so un fit , but I jog for the next month, everybody telling me that…you can never do that!! And all I was thinking of was, I know, BUT I NEED TO!! I need to do that, to show myself if you have no hope and you think you a looser, you can!! It was a very emotional thing, At the stage I have had 5 miscarriage ( did not now the worse will be the next time) and I decided I will break this 21km , into 4km runs . I will run 4km for every miscarriage, it was like a healing process. And the last 1km will be, to show me you need to keep going to see the END.

That day was hell after 2 km I was up, and at 4km I want to quit, funny Luv was running  as well ( he is very sporty and fit) and he was waiting for me, asking if I am okay!! NO I not, but you have to go on!! And he decided to run with me( I think it was his worse race ever, he did more like crawling it.) At 16km I have had blood blisters and the medic tent was flashing in front of me!!  And all I want to do is quit, but that day I knew …girl if you quit NOW, it will be the end of everything!!But Luv was encouraging me all the way. It was so emotional for me, because of this healing race ( Luv did not know why I did it, he will probably read it today for the first time. But it was so symbolic – he that is just always there for me- helping me to get through BAD TIMES) I just LOVE you so much!!

Not all the time it was so extreme things I did, sometimes after the call I  paint my walls red, while I cry the whole job trough, you can just imagine how my house look now( yes, it is interesting)

I did a one-man-show after the ectopic for charity,other smaller races, I was having dress-up parties, I did bungi-jumping, working holidays, re-doing my garden , having a wedding in my garden,and a lot of other things.

The big thing of these plan B’s is, you feel so much better afterwards even if it last just a few days.

I think that is why I did infertility so long ( and I will always be an IF – I will never carry my own babies) this journey was also a plan without an end…( thats why I did not stop trying,, I believe in fairytales and they always have an end) its only now for the first time that there will be an END.

My wonderful Suro-sus is helping me to get to this end and the end will be when I have that miracle babies in my arms within months from now.

I had a plan B for when I miscarriage this time as well, and I know it will be the end for me ever to be pregnant,  will tell you tomorrow what we did.

Back from the festival

Got back from the festival yesterday, as sick as a dog.  I am allergic for pine stuff and on the floors of the tents there is always pine saw-dust, and then after a few days, I am all stuff up, snotty nose and woolly head. So there go my tomorrow exercise programme. I am feeling horrible!!

But the festival was as always very nice. Me and Luv are going to the festival for years now!! Even before we were married. This years was our first year staying in a hostel ( we did the camping  thing for years….) and after years of music throughout the night and students tripping over the tents, the hostel was like a super luxury hotel. The room was cool after a very hot day in  the streets, and when you hit your pillow it was nice and quiet, peaceful, Hot showers and enough toilets, and the bonus breakfast ala hostel-style!!!

This year the shows we watch was good and there was a few super-sad-rockers. So we saw the good and the bad.

We saw a lot of friends and it was so nice to see and to have fun together and we laugh a lot!!

One day we were walking to one of the venues and we did not have time for coffee and while we were walking I was telling Luv how much I will love a coffee now…and the next moment a coffee-van was passing us. When  we arrived at the venue well in advanced of time for our show, there the coffee-van was park and they we rolling out green-fake-lawn with tables and chairs, and making promotion coffee and free chocolate !!! Highlight!!

Suro-sus is doing fine( sometimes a bit nausea), and all is well I cannot wait for the next scan, next week!

Scan Pic

Yesterdays scan...

I can not wait for the next one!!! it is starting to sink in...

For the rest of the week me and Luv are going to the K.K.N.K festival in Oudthoorn. We both just love the festival and to watch all the shows. because we are not near a big city we dont have the opportunities and now is our time for shows, alot of our friends live there aswell and then we visit then.

I am just going to enjoy everything after the stress-hectic time we have had till here.

So I will see you all next week.

Ta ta
ME xxxxx

Miracles do happen

I don’t know where to start, after a really nice weekend and yesterday we watch the Cir.que du Sol.leil and it was awesome!!! They were so good!!!

My nerves were doing fine, because I was making it out for myself “ that nothing is in my hands anymore, I cannot do anything ,I can  just take what is coming my way”

So this morning we went for the scan and  me and Luv was hoping with our whole heart …. That one baby will still be there. please!!!!

The sister was holding my hand, me and luv where chewing on sweets ( it was all you got hear) and the doctor was saying “GOOD LUCK” before he did the scan…

And there is was   2 MIRACLE HEARTBEATS!!!!!    2 TWINS !!!!!!   2 BABIES!!!!

I could not get a word out,  I was staring at the scanner and crying….crying..”snot en trane”!!! Luv had tears in his eyes, the sister was hugging me, the super nice Doctor was holding and hugging me, and he said it was such a long road...I just could not stop crying….. I think people in the passage, think it was bad news we just get.

…it was the most overwhelming, overpower feeling ever. It knocks me out of my pants!! This is our 10^th pregnancy, and it feels so unreal!( I suppose it is unreal not me being preggers) After all of these years this is our only chance for babies, and 2.

It is still very early days, and we will take it day by day, I believe God give us this miracles and He will be with us every step of the way.

I am so exited!! We want to scream it out from every corner of the world!! I want to tell everybody about my amazing sis and what’s happening, but we will wait till after the 13 week scan.

  We will have a scan in 2 weeks time. What cause the blood ???? dont know it's clearing up in the uterus, thank goodness!

Now we are going to sleep…we are so  drained!!!