Kids have had their first school concert!! It was so sweet and they love to be on stage, all they want to do and be on now. To wait a year….. I think will get long!

Then a spider bite me…. Geee I felt terrible! For a few days I just wanted to get this horrible feeling over.

I did the whole house at-the-end-of-the-year spring cleaning!! Why do you end up with so much grap in your house???

And I went for my yearly gynaecologist check-up!!!

Sometimes it still feel weird seeing a gynae only once a year…

The night before I was thinking so what is he going to do tomorrow???? And with a flash okay it will just be a internal dildo scan!! ( maybe cause that was what gynae’s is about it the still the first thing flashing in my head… and then I think NO!!!! its not an infertility visit!! It will just be a PAP smeer! So jippe that terrific!! It will be quick and easy!.

  I enter this so familiar doc’s office. Get a seat and start looking around this place with so many of my emotions, tears, un answered questions and so many of my traumas… when I sit there waiting my turn so many thoughts cross my mind!! With this dr of mine so many thing have happen.

Funny how when you sit there and watching your waiting-fellow-pasients. You sit and sort them out in our head!!

You look like you can maybe pregnant???

 Sorry,You too old, must be a yearly checkup??

You to young to even be married? Did you mother send you due to heavy periods?

And then the door open and a couple come out. Making no eye contact, making appointment for a theatre. They have no emotions showing, and while waiting to pay the bill the girl just turn around and walk out leaving her husband to settle the bill. And from where I sit I can see  her out of the window and all I see is the moment she step out that she start to cry!!!!!!!!

And my heart want to break into pieces for this girl I don’t know. Cause I recognize the poor me!!

 She has had a miscarriage!!

I remember the terrible feeling when it happen and the doc  asking if you fine, you lying saying , yes sort of!! And all you want to do is get your ass out of this place and cry!! Cause you where so full of hope and all you feel at that moment is total anger and bitterness and sadness.

 

I am just so glad I am finish with that!!Crap

I told my dr the best was, he taking my tubes out!! ( we always joke I so much  wanted babies but he have put a stop to it)  that is why that interfere…. I have a life now!! We can do things, plan our life without my hormones and that life are more or less normal now.

 

I think my  10 years will ever have a effect on me.