How do you have hope???

How do you still believe???

How do you go on ??

How do you keep your sprit up high??

How the hell do you cope??

... IF things don’t work out the way , you so badly with every single cell, fibre, thought, and every inch of our whole heart wanted it to be ??

It’s then when you realise that Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s learning how to dance in the rain.....

Because that storm you in, is bad , its really  bad, for you it’s the worst storm ever. It’s a storm that can be storming out within no time, or it can be one that will keep on  and keep on twirling you for side to side. And not matter what, you just don’t see the end. You are planning, but the end it just not in sight.

Its a storm that will leave you with bruises, scars, personality changes, it will fuck you up emotionally in so many ways. It will take years, if ever to heal.

And all you can you for your self is dance in the rain !!! even if you hate the rain!

If you are an IF this time of the year is the worse!!! I am still trying to get myself in the sprit ( after all these years its weird I hate this time), because if you don’t have kids!! Christmas is a horrible time!!

I know how you so badly just wanted to be pregnant at Christmas....maybe because its the end of the year....which mean next year you start with another infertile –new-year or its because you have to face you family with loads of kids and loads of preggy-bellies

I’ve got friends who just did Ivf-ing with a big-fat-NO

Friends who are busy with  IVF-ing

Friends that so badly wanted a next kid, but don’t wanted to go thought this whole treatment again ( it already took them years just to get one)

Friends who have to call this the end ( who in their hearts still HOPE)

And then I’ve got friends that I know and suffering in silence...

So to all of you out there who are in this freaking rocking boat, I salute you !! and I wish I can dance with you in the rain.

And in this time of the year all I can say is ...just think of yourself and no one else. Do what you wanted to do and not the family. Do what makes you happy. Do things for you and enjoy it... and be happy.  Maybe 2013 will be the year without storms!!

 

Love and Kisses

Me

xxx

 

It’s the twins Grandma’s Birthday today!!!! And all they want to say is........ Happy Birthday Ouma!!!!

When are you going to visit us again, we miss you!!!

Twins are busy with their exercise programme...I think they are scared of all the holiday food that are around the corner. Or maybe they wanted to fit into their swimsuits when going to the beach!

This week is our actually due date week a year ago. The twins are their official one year old!  And I am proud to say that they have reached all their one year millstones.

Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you, you are not babies anymore and are moving to toddler stage....WoW !!  I can dearly say I do miss the baby stage and every time I am holding a small little baby my heart start missing a beat, because I just adore little babies!!!!

The pleasures my miracles are giving me are just endless. We enjoy them soooo much and every day are a treat just to watch and see them they have change our life into so much special moments.

Some day’s I still cannot  think that this would not have been possible if one special girl did not wanted us to experience to precious gift of PARENTHOOD

We have had a very busy schedule lately, we visit Suro-Sus quickly, and some friends ( that was really nice) and pop in to the shops , while friends and family babysit...yes I am leaving them with other people now..... But it’s always quickly!.

We visit my parents on the farm, and let the twins swim which they love. I want to learn them now too, not being afraid of water and to be water-wise. In the town where we live there is a lady doing swimming classes and when I phone her, because I want to take the babies, she said she only do  it from 2 years... you cannot learn them now they too young...... yes I was shock!! every one I know took their kids from 3 months and I have been to classes with suro-sus kids and saw with my own eyes how babies, where operating in water and it was amazing. I wound  nottake my kids to her,  I will do it on my own.... that’s small-town –bummer I suppose!!

Nika was climbing against an eating chair and have had a really bad fall!! Poor little thing , but minutes after that she was up and about again. She just love climbing.

My parents have planted a fruit tree for every grandkid when they were born. Nika have Plumcot and Wium a Nectocot. We took some pics at their trees. They love the farm. Just before we leave, we bath them and put them in the car, they were so tired of all the playing and swimming, they fall asleep in seconds. When we arrived home, its the gamble do we wake them or let them sleep???? Because they went to sleep to early..... we both were so tired!! Decision..... put them in bed and see what happen......and they sleep till the morning!! Wowo that was nice.

 

Nika all "armed up" for the swin

The "ouma and oupa" grandkids fruit trees.

 

Nika and Wium before their trees.

Twins having a "ball" in their grandma's nurcery

Awhile ago, friends of us where talking , how fed-up they get to make the same food and don’t have time to make different food and its simple to do a spread for only 2 people and bla blab la...

Then we decided ... every first week of the month one of us ( me , Luv and the other couple) needs to make food for the others.

The rules: something you never have made before, it must be enough food ( we don’t want to starve at the end)  you need to do everything on your own, the others just arrive, enjoy and go home, you don’t need to bring anything or help in the kitchen... and the best part we catch-up all the stories and laughter of the past month.

It’s something on the calendar that we cannot wait for every month.

I have had a turn, and the other lady too, Last week it was Luv’s turn. Here is the menu...impressive for a man!! And I think he defiantly needs to make more food in this house!.

 

It was Chicken snitzels filled with, basil-pesto, figs, and camberment cheese with a salad...baby spinach, with strawberries, feta cheese and “biltong”( very south African) soak in cranberry balsamic vinegar.

And desert was Crème Brulee ( a bit burned but it’s the oven’s fault)

Its always great excitement to see what’s going to be on the plates. Nobody even give a hint of what will be on their menu’s !!!

 

 

This week my parents visit us for 2 days, and it was wonderful, the extra pair of hands.

I have had the time to go alone to town for shopping that was wonderful and we went out the one night. Like one of my friends said, we did not see you the last year and now you are out every week.....I suppose things change. But now the “oupa” and “ouma” are gone so stay at home nights are on the list for some time.

The twins where freaking out their Oupa and Ouma with all their climbing skills...often I was hearing...are they supposed to do this?? Nika like showing off all her circus-tricks.

The twins love the visit and all the playing....but when my parents left. Nika start crying hysterically!! she will miss them, Wium just wave “ta ta”  

And their other Ouma and Oupa form far send them such nice prezzies!, thanx xxxx

This past weekend we went away for a break ( with the twins) just a family-get-away. I was seeing so forward to it.

We went to a hotel in Haroldsbay oubaai.regency.hyatt.com ( my special-eye catch this huge special for the weekend and we book)

For the moment we set foot at the hotel we where treat. The twins got their own room, which is nice , we struggle to sleep with them in the same room. We they have had a connecting-room. They think it was heaven all this new spaces to explore.

They love the breakfast-buffet in the morning, luckily we got time to eat while they was climbing on their pram . It was such a relax weekend just to do NOTHING!! And just enjoying our time together.

 

The Saturday I went to the SPA.... I love the treatments and just the peace.... and just the me-time which is very seldom now.... silence is golden.... ( wonderful hubby look after the kids) and after me he went for a massage.

We meet up with friends for drinks and then it was back to our rooms for bath and sleep time.

 

Before kids you operate at night, now when the clock tick 8 at night you stay in your room. Like I said to Luv, we don’t even know how the lights in the garden look at night!

But it was just what we needed!!! A weekend away!!

 

 

Nika enjoying her Latte

Mommy we can not wait to get bath !!

Twins taking a nap at the pool

Suppose to drink their bottles, while we having a drink

the "Fam"

 

the twins with their private driver for the weekend...Wium waving like a king

The local school have had a “musical” last night, and on number 99 me and luv decided to go....

 

And the outcome we need to leave the twins for a few hours at someone who will babysit ( this is a big thing for me) a friend of mine offer to look at them and we I said....okay thanx it will be great...I put down the phone and wanted to start to vomit!! This will be the second time ever I will leave them for a few hours without me.

 

Thinking will they be fine, will they not cry, will they miss me, will they survive, will they not hate me, ???????

The outcome.... they did not cry once, was having a ball, and went sweet and sound to sleep zzzzzzzzz. And we enjoyed the quick break so much!!!

 

Thanks to the babysitters xxxxxx

Books, Magazines, papers....  I am in love!! They are part of my life!

When I was in school, I hate reading! I did not read at all. Not even the books that we needed to read for school. My friends did that and told me the info, and I pass!! My last year of school was my first book I ever read...it was for the English class..Something like the “Mountain rocky road ???? did not make an impression as you can see. I thought it was my first and last book.

I have had a grandma who read every week 12 books from the  library. When she goes to get  new books, she have had this basket to carry them.

And I have had this roommate at school, who every week when we got our off day to go to town...she went to the library to fetch books and she was always reading...I was thinking it was waste-time.

When I was in primary school there was a reading month, don’t know which month and then they give out the “bookmark” and on it was an owl with spec’s on and it said....reading is power ( I cut out the owl to make gift cards....)

But then somewhere along the line I start reading and I have not stop doing it. I love reading! I love magazines and start at the first page taking it though to the very last,  I read 4 books a week, favourites are life stories that’s my best and when I don’t have time” mills and boons” because its only 2 hours and its quickly, I know loads are rolling their eyes but I like them.

In my house there are always books lying all over the place because I am reading a few at the same time. Each time we move to a new town the first day I will go to the library. And once I months I took the morning off to go and read the other  magazines I don’t have at home!!

And then I got the twins !! that leave me with zero reading time, or if I have time, I am to tired!

I did read my magazines, some took months longer to the other to them finish.

But 2 weeks ago I went to the library, they were so happy to see me! And got myself a book, which took 3 days !! and it was utter bliss, it felt amazing! And yesterday I quickly go and return and crap another one. I do the reading while I try to get them to sleep.

I cannot think my world without reading....and the owl was on the dot!!

 

 Reading is power!!!